


Picture Perfect

by bringmesomepie, LeahCat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Broken Castiel, Broken Dean, Broken Gabriel, Broken Sam, Domestic Violence, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Paranoia, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Sex Addiction, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Dean, Suicidal Gabriel, Suicidal Sam, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Verbal Abuse, hypersexuality, mentions of sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:19:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 36,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5035387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeahCat/pseuds/LeahCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pictures. There was nothing that Castiel could think of that he hated worse than pictures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reality in a Frame

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story will be very triggering and will be going into some very deep and serious situations. If you are easily triggered, this story may not be the story for you. To avoid any major spoilers, I have decided not to use Archive Warnings. You have been warned.

  _Pictures._

There was nothing that Castiel could think of that he hated worse than pictures; the family photos. The ones that lined the walls of his house and the shelves where books no one reads lie.

Everyone is dressed in their best clothes. Mom's in her so-called good-looking dress, Dad's in his suit and tie, and children wearing what their parents made them. In this case, he is wearing a white, short-sleeved polo with his black dress pants. The chocolate pudding stain he just got on his shirt before taking the photo was edited off, although Cas can still see that that area is a different shade of white than the actual color of his shirt. 

His brother Gabriel is standing next to him in the photo in his golden polo and black dress pants. Castiel couldn't exactly remember who made the decision on letting his older brother look like a freaking bubble bee, but he knew Gabriel hated it as much as Castiel and it wasn't his choice.

Castiel could almost live with the dressing up nice and maybe even the white screening behind them making the house not look like an entire wreck, although it was. Gabriel was 12 and he was 10, what did they expect? 

The thing Castiel hated the most out of the whole thing was certainly the fake-ass smiles. Even at 10 years old Castiel was used to putting on that fake smile, while the camera man makes them say "cheese" like a dork. 

No one in his family was ever happy. They never smiled or grinned unless it was in front of a camera. Family photos were there to show off in his family; plan and fucking simple. That's why they covered almost ever itch of every wall and shelves and Castiel wanted to break every single one; daily. 

It seemed a new photo was at least taken every holiday and placed somewhere around the house. Almost every new photos is sent to the grandparents, the aunt and uncles, the cousins; everyone. To show them that they were okay and that they were happy. All the photos were just a false reality they all wished was true.

Behind the fake smiles, the best dressed, and the screen to cover the actual background was a rusted and broken family; even when Cas was 10. 

No one else knew about the bruises on his mother's skin that were edited out or the flask she has hiding behind her back filled with cheap alcohol. No one else knew about the hickey on his father’s neck that was hiding itself from the camera just by the way he was standing or the empty wallet that was supposed to pay for their supper that night. No one knew; except for the family themselves. And now, even 6 years later, it has only gotten worse. 

They had just got back the photos that were just recently taken. The last photo of the year; the Christmas photo with the same broken family and the most fake smiles Castiel had ever seen was in the photo. Christmas clothes and sweaters are on, which Castiel hates almost as much as he hates photos and the pretty Christmas tree background is behind them. 

This time his mother is sitting down and although it might make out to be just a new position it is only because she can't stand without nearly laying on one of her kids. She is drunk off her ass, yet seems fine when she sits down. His dad has his hands on his tie and that isn't because it looks cool, no, it is because he has to fix it quickly and act like he wasn't just having another affair with their mother. 

If it wasn't for the great power of photo editing everyone would know what Gabriel was up to. The photo looked fine except that he is actually smiling. This actual smile is only the resolute of weed he had smoked in his bedroom about 30 minutes before the photo was taken.

As for Castiel, well, he had his own secrets up his sleeve – literally. 

The ups and downs of his arms are full of open wounds of self-harming. The photos don't show that. They don't show all the cuts down his thighs either or the ones on his stomach. Not even the fresh ones that are bleeding from the sweaters fabric.      

It was a giant photo of false grins, and movements. None of the family ever saw who they actually were. It wasn't if they cared anyway. If Cas's own parents didn't care about his habit that had been going on for about 4 years then no one else would. 

It wasn't if they didn't know about it either. Castiel could never wear white or blood would get on it somewhere, somehow. For goodness sake, his father walked in on him in their kitchen slicing into his forearm as if it was a piece of cake. What did he do? He said, "Cas, just don't make a mess." 

Although Castiel was 99% certain he was on a sex high as he was 90% of the time, but that didn't stop it from hurting. His mother had seen him on multiple occasions and didn't say a word. They didn't care, so he highly doubted anyone else would. They didn't even care about Gabriel's problems either. 

Gabriel was starting to go on some drug Castiel didn't know of but he knew it made Gabriel very, very -- well high. Cas couldn't think of another way to describe it. 

All in all his family was just broken; way past broken. They were like a puzzle with a ton of missing pieces that no one could find.

Castiel was not the stereotypical boy with a little broken family that cuts his wrists in the dark. No, he was nothing like the stereotypical boy that did that. He did that but the stereotype was not him at all.

He was not timid at the least. Gabriel had practically raised him and being shy was not an option from Gabe. Castiel had been to too many parties and had a ton of people that might call him a friend. Castiel liked to call them what they were though – fuck-buddies.

Another part of that stereotype was that they were all virgins and Castiel hadn't been a damn virgin since he was 13. He was a little drunk – although he usually never drinks – from the party, and got with someone pretty. He didn't remember if it was a girl or boy. He just remembered fucking someone until they were screaming. 

He could be top, he could be bottom. He didn't give any fucks what he was. The pleasure he got from the sex got some stress that his self-harming couldn't quite let out. People judge his dark scars and gory cuts, but Castiel doesn't care as long as they do something. 

He knew that he was turning into his father, which he hated. But frankly, Castiel was too far in the so-called 'business' to get out of it now. Although sometimes Cas would laugh to himself knowing that he might have been turning into a sex addict like his father but at least he wasn’t having to pay money and only get one person out of it.

Before he could get into thinking about all of the different people he had been with or how many people at a time, Gabriel stops him by talking. "Cas stop looking at those damn photos before you start to get all bitchy."

"One, I'm not bitchy and two, you're not supposed to be smoking inside." Castiel slashed back. 

Gabriel takes a drag of his weed as he rolls his eyes, "Ma said not to smoke cigarettes in the house. She said nothing about smoking weed. Also, why are you judging me? If I remember correctly the parents said not to have intercourse before 18." Gabriel gave a snarky smile at Cas as smoke came out of his mouth. Castiel never understood how Gabriel always won those tiny arguments. 

"Whatever. What do you want anyway?" Castiel said, walking over to his brother. "I came to tell you to get ready. We're gonna go to a New Year's Eve party at Kali's. We have to be there by 8." 

"I don't wanna go." Castiel said walking around his brother to get to the stairs. "I wasn't asking if you wanted to go. I was saying to get ready. We're going." 

"You can't force me to go anywhere Gabriel." Cas complained standing on the first step of the stairs to finish their conversation. 

"No, I can't. But you know, I didn't think you could last this long without a fuck." Gabe grinned knowing he was being the trickster he was. 

"It's been 5 days. I'll be fine." 

"Okay, I guess you'll be fine having your own party with your right hand." Gabe's smirk was annoying. 

"Gabriel would you please just shut up and leave me be." Castiel said getting ready to walk up the stairs alone for Gabriel to grab his arm tight. It stung pretty badly and Cas was pretty sure it made one of his cuts bleed.

"Cas, I know you rather be at the party because every year you end up really hurting yourself. I almost had to take you to the hospital last year. You know dad will be fucking another person if not more than one and mom will be drunk off her ass and aggressive. Just come Cassie, please. I don't want wanna loose you." 

It was hard to say no to his brother when he was actually caring about him, but then again, every time they go to parties he either has to take Gabriel home because he passed out from all the drugs or finds him very sick at home. It wasn't as if Cas didn't care about his brother, because he cared just as much as Gabriel cared about him.

"Fine, I'll go on one condition." Castiel bites his lip and leans against railing on the stairs. "What is it?" Gabriel seemed annoyed as if he knew this was going to happen. 

"You need to be stable enough to drive me home." Castiel says poking his finger into Gabriel's belly. Gabriel glares. "And if you don't want to come home?" 

"Then – then just keep safe Gabe. I wasn't the only one about to go to the hospital last year." Cas frowns and starts to walk up the stairs.

"Alright and Cas?" 

"Yes?" He asks from the top of the stairs. "Do not bring your pocket knife." He says staring Castiel in the eye. Castiel nods and smirks as soon as he turns around.

 "I'm not bringing my pocket knife," He says aloud, but then whispers to himself, “I’m bringing the razor from the pencil sharper I bought yesterday." He smirked again to himself putting his hand in his pocket. The thought of the new, sharp blade made Castiel's veins throb. If tonight started to get bad, he knew what he was gonna do. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Cassie, I know its winter in all but, you know it's going to be really hot in there with all the sweaty people and lights, right?" Castiel looks at his brother from the passenger seat, "Yeah, why?"

Gabriel basically rolls his eyes as he turns into Kali's house. "Can't you at least take that damn sweatshirt off? It's only 55 degrees outside and it'll be a lot hotter in there."

"Gabe, I'm not taking my sweatshirt off because of a stupid party." Castiel argues tugging at his sleeves with his fingers. Gabriel frowns, "I guess taking you to the hospital for a heat stroke is better than taking you for bleeding to death." 

"Gabriel, I'm not gonna get a fucking heat stroke! I'll be fine!" Cas lashes out, letting his long nails dig into his palm. "Kid, I told you if you didn't stop self-harming you'd have to deal with people seeing it. Now take off the damn sweatshirt." 

"I'm not a kid; I'm 16 and will be fine!" Castiel says in anger, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. Gabriel was coming right behind him.

"Fine, but you're gonna regret it when you're too stubborn to take that damn thing off and I'm not there. Don't think anyone will help you either. Everyone will be too drunk or high to pay attention to a boy having a heat stroke on New Year's Eve." Gabe yells although Castiel isn't quite listening as he walks into Kali's house. 

After hours of drinking and more people flying into the room Castiel realized that his brother – as usual – was right. 

He was in the corner of the main room with his tongue, arms, and legs out. He was pretty drunk himself and was craving sex as if it was oxygen. Everything was shaky and dizzy and he wasn't sure if it was because he was so hot or if his drink had been drugged. His stomach was raw but was it from the drinks? Castiel thought he wasn't a light weight, yet he had only had two drinks.  

"Hey, are you doing okay? You don't look so good." A taller man with dirty-blonde hair asks getting on the balls of his feet to look at him. Castiel looked at him confused. He had just saw that same dude drink 4 shots and he isn't even acting slightly drunk? 

"I'm -- I'm fine." Castiel stiffened. Why was it was hard to form word? The dirty-blonde haired man in plaid and jeans shook his head as his hand found Cas's forehead. "I'm fine – fine." He pants.

"Like hell, man, you're not even sweating but you're burning up. Can you follow me?" The man asks, looking worried. Castiel didn't understand why a stranger cared so much. 

Apparently Castiel didn't answer the tall man quick enough because he feels himself being lifted off the ground as he closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes the man has put him on the ground of a bathroom floor. He was tugging on his sweatshirt but Cas held a tight grip. 

"Come on, you're going to into a heat stroke. I need to help you out." 

"No – no you – don't." Castiel was in the middle of saying when the man simply moves Cas's hand and the sweatshirt is off. He could see the man's emerald green eyes judging him, but he felt like he was dying at the moment, so caring was not on his list of to-dos.

Before he knew it, he was lying naked in a cool tub of water. The water was a faintly accented red which didn't come as a surprise to Cas. What did come as a surprise was how that same tall man in plaid was still by his side. He could have been dead in that corner of it wasn't for that man and he didn't even know his name. 

When Cas tried to get out of the tub the man pushed him back. "You're still over temperature, stay in the cool water." 

Castiel looked at him confused, but he sank back into the water. "You know you could be dead right now, don't you?" The guy with the emerald green eyes asks, grabbing Castiel by the hand to wipe a towel over his wrist. It stings but it only for a bit, not enough to make him flinch.

Castiel looks down at his stomach. Scars were over scars and cuts were over cuts. Did it seem like Castiel cared if he was dead or not?

"Yes, I know." Cas simply answers, sitting with his knees up to his chest. The man looks down, frowning but he nods. "I see, so that was all on purpose?" 

"No, you just happened to be nice enough to notice me." Castiel closes his eyes, leaning back. He had been naked in front of so many people yet, he was feeling slightly embarrassed having this man see him.

"My name’s Dean, by the way." The man says, pressing his hand on Cas's forehead. "If you want, you can get out now. Your temperature seems to be back to normal." 

Cas opens his eyes and nods, getting out of the cool tub and slipping a towel over his body. Dean was still just sitting on the floor next to the bath tub as if he was inviting Cas to sit next to him. 

"My names Castiel." Cas says taking the 'invitation' and sitting down next to the tall guy. "You're Gabriel's brother I suppose?" Dean asks as Castiel tries to cover himself as much as possible. Cas looks up, tilting his head in confusion. "How did you know that?" 

"Gabriel is friends with a lot of my friends. No offense, but your brother can be a real dick." Dean says. His smile makes him seem confident, but his eyes seem as if he doesn't want to hurt Castiel's feelings. Why did he care about Cas's feelings?

"No offense taken." Cas timidly speaks, which takes him off-guard. Why the hell is he being all shy? He was not stereotypical! He refused to be! 

"Dean?" Castiel looks up at the man. "Yes Cas?" Dean replies already giving him a nickname. Who the hell was this dude? "Why did you help me?"

"Because sometimes people just need to be saved." Dean smiles. Cas can feel Dean looking down at him with his green eyes. Castiel feels his cheeks growing hot. Was he – blushing? 

"Why me?" Cas finally looks up. Dean was still looking down at Castiel smirking. "Because I saw you." 

Was the answer ever that simple? "Why am I so special? Did my red sweatshirt catch your eye? Did – did my tight jeans drag you in? Did my brother pay you to keep an eye on me? What was it, because I'm just a regular person?" Castiel outbursts, not knowing the way he was shaking or the way his nails were digging into his palms out of habit. 

"Hey, hey, buddy." Dean says wrapping an arm around Castiel and holding him as if he was a teddy bear. "I saved you, that’s all that matters." 

"So my brother did pay you to watch over me like the bastard he is?" Castiel flinches out of Dean's grip. "No, no, Cas I just saw you. Honestly, I'm surprised I was the only person to see you. Your eyes are beautiful and they caught my attention." Dean was the one blushing now.           

Castiel nods, and looks over at Dean who is tilting his head to the side. "You know, I'm feeling better now... I've got to say you're eyes are breathtaking as well." Cas generally smiles and it feels weird on his face. Castiel was still craving sex badly, but he didn't think this dude was a slut like him. 

There was a countdown happening from outside the bathroom.

 10 ... 9 ... 8 ...

Dean and Castiel looked at each other. Their eyes focused on each other's lips.

 7 ... 6 ... 5 ...

Castiel tilted his head as Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's towel.

 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

Their lips crashed into each other as the background was overrun with cheering, laughing, and clapping. 

"Let's start this new year with a bang." Dean says, smirking as Castiel leans back. He wraps his arms around Dean's neck and leans back against the tub, towel falling off his hips. "I agree."


	2. Drinking to Escape

It was a cold December evening in Kansas. It wasn’t snowing, but cold enough to at any moment. He sat on the roof outside of his window. He could heard the voices of his father and brother once again barking at each other.

He let his head fall against the wall. Tonight was a better night. Dad hadn’t drank that much yet. He was less aggressive when he was sober—ish. He brought his cigarette to his lips and took a long drag. All of a sudden he couldn’t hear the arguing from his family members. He blew smoke out his nose and peeked into his bedroom. He watched his 12 year old brother storm into his room and slam the door. “Dean!”

“What Sam?” Dean called out from outside.

Sam poked his head out the window. “You’re letting all the cold air into your room.”

“I’m so sorry, Samantha.” Dean rolled his eyes and took another drag off his cigarette. “Why do you encourage him? You know it’s just gonna piss him off and beat not only you but me.”

“I’m not Dad’s punching bag, Dean.” Sam crawled out onto the roof top. “I’m not like you. I’m not gonna let him just beat me until he is satisfied.”

“Fuck you too, Sam.” Dean scoffed. He remembered Sam being a nice little kid. Never back talking, never raising his voice, always had a smile on his face. That’s an old Sam, a distance memory, the new Sam eggs Dad on until there’s spit all over both their faces and John decides to either walk out leaving Sam unharmed or brings out his fists.

“6 more years and I’ll be out of here. I’ll go to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford, Yale, somewhere far away.”

“You won’t be able to go to an Ivy League school if you’re dead, Sam. If you keep picking fights with Dad, that’s exactly what he’s gonna do to you.” Dean looked at Sam. “He will kill you.”

“You’re just jealous I can stand up to Dad, unlike you.” Sam spat out.

“Why are you trying to pick a fight with me, Sam? Was Dad not enough for you?” Dean groaned. He remembered when his family was normal. That all changed when he was four and a fire burnt down their old house, almost taking his mother’s life. John blames Dean for the fire.

After that John started drinking more and taking his anger out on Dean. When Sam turned 8 John shared his fist between the brothers. Two years later Sam began to talk back. At 11 years old Sam was in full out arguments with John and now they are having daily fights that lead to Sam getting his ass handed to him, but he doesn’t back down. Which leads to Dean breaking up the fight and getting a couple punches to the face by John.

“I’m trying to get you to man up, Dean.”

Dean blinked at Sam. “I’ve been dealing with Dad longer than you have, Sammy. I don’t need your advice. On that note, I’m going. Close my damn window when you’re done sulking.” Dean slid to the edge of the roof and slowly descend until he hung off the edge and let go and dropped to the ground. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it.

He walked down the road until he spotted his destination; Kali’s House. It was her annual New Year’s Eve Party. He looked at his watch. It was 10:30, not too early, but not too late. He walked into the house and Kali was standing by the door. She spotted him instantly.

“Glad you could make it, Dean.” She hugged him, probably hoping her, him and Gabriel could have a threesome once the party dies down.

Dean nodded and weaved his way through the house until he got to the alcohol. He wanted to get drunk and party. He automatically grabbed a beer and took a swig. He was feeling better already. He saw one of his good friends, Benny and decided to walk over. “Benny.”

“Look who decided to show up.” Benny smiled. “What’s up, brother?”

Dean tapped his beer bottle with Benny’s. “Didn’t think I could make it, but that hasn’t stopped me before.”

“I’m gonna go to the kitchen and find the vodka.” Benny pointed.

“Let me help you.” Dean smiled. “I need something stronger.”

“You and me both, brother.” Benny started opening cabinets. “You gonna help you stand there and pretty?”

“I said I was gonna help…help from afar.”

“Son of a bitch.” Benny opened the last cabinet. “Bingo.”

Dean took to the bottle. It was a brand new one. He broke it open and took a long pull of the burning liquid. He hissed. “That’s the stuff.”

Benny had grabbed a shot glass for both of them. He poured them both full and downed’em quickly. “I’m good from a while.” Benny spoke while Dean grabbed three more glasses and poured all four of them full and drank them shot after shot. “Dean, cool it.”

“Nah, man. I came to get drunk and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

“You’ve been here five minutes. Slow it down. I ain’t taking you to the hospital.” Benny pointed.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Then don’t. I’m not asking you to do shit. I am in control of my own life.”

Benny raised his hands in surrender. “Whatever, brother. Drink yourself into a grave for all I care. I probably won’t see you until Tuesday cause you’ll be hung over until then.”

“Fuck you, Benny.” Dean growled.

“It’s a good thing I know this how you act drunk and don’t meant it.” Benny frowned and walked out of the kitchen, but Dean followed.

Benny went into another room whilst Dean made it to the living room. He looked around and saw a bunch of his friends, but he had no interest speaking with them. He grabbed another beer and took a long pull. He stumbled gracefully towards the back of the room when he saw a guy that looked worse for wear. Even though it was New Year’s Eve and freezing outside; there are too many people in one room to have a thick sweat shirt on. Dean had come in wearing his favorite leather jacket that now had come off and was lying haphazardly in the kitchen, along with Benny jacket.

The guy looked like he was burning up. He walked towards the boy. He looked familiar. He couldn’t place how he recognized the face. He crouched down on the balls of his toes in front of the man. “Hey, are you doing ok? You don’t look too good?”

“I’m—‘m fine.” The guy slurred. Dean stretched his hand out towards him, noticing the bright blue pools known as eyes. He placed his hand on the guy’s forehead. “I’m fine—fine.”

“Like hell, man. You’re not sweating, but you’re burning up. Can you follow me?” Dean asked. He was worried about the dude. He couldn’t just leave him to have a heat stroke.

The guy acted like he was stalling from answering so Dean sighed and tugged him into a dead lift and carried him into the bathroom where he sat him on the toilet. Dean proceeded to start taking off the source of the heat; the sweatshirt.

The guy was resisting. He wanted the sweatshirt on. “Come on, you’re gonna have a heat stroke. I need to help you out.”

“No—no you—don’t.” Dean rolled his eyes and swiftly moved his hands and pulled off the sweatshirt. He stripped off the guy’s shirt, shoes, socks, then pants and boxers. It didn’t go unnoticed the scars that covered the guy’s body like tallies on a scoreboard.

Dean could relate. The difference was that the scars Dean hid from the world were afflicted by his father. Cigarette burns, whip lashes, and cuts from broken glass tell Dean’s story, but this guy did these to himself. He couldn’t judge. There were many times that Dean had effortlessly thought he could make it quick and take a swan dive, head first out the window, or grab some rope from the garage and become an ornament in his bedroom.

He lifted the guy with beautiful blue eyes into the tub. He noticed the water turning a faint reddish, pink. Probably had a couple fresh tallies still bleeding. The guy began to try to get out of the tub, but Dean wasn’t gonna have that. He was still pretty warm. Too warm for his liking. So he placed a hand in the center of the guy’s chest and pushed him back into the tub. You’re still over temperature, stay in the cool water.”

The guy looked confused, but obeyed. Dean couldn’t believe that this guy could have been dead in the corner of the room and nobody would have noticed until the next morning when the party was long over. “You know, you could be dead right now.”

He took a hand towel and grabbed the guy’s wrist and cleaned it. Seemed like the stranger wanted to die. Dean understood that feeling, but couldn’t let the guy know that. “Yes, I know.”

The guy pulled his knees up to his chest. “I see, so that was all on purpose?”

“No, you were just nice enough to notice me.” The guy closed his eyes and leaned back.

Dean sighed. He understood that. The problem was that everybody noticed Dean. It was hard not to. He was a partier. He was the guy to get drunk first and be the last to leave or he wouldn’t leave at all and fuck the party host or anybody who was left over. “My name’s Dean, by the way.” He placed a hand on the guy’s forehead once again. “if you want, you can get out. Your temperature seems back to normal.”

The guy got out of the tub and wrapped himself in a towel and sat down beside Dean on the floor against the tub. “I’m Castiel.”

Dean nodded. He recognized the name. “You’re Gabriel’s brother, I suppose.”

Castiel tried to cover himself more. “How did you know that?”

“Gabriel is friends with a lot of my friends. No offense, but your brother can be a real dick.” Dean tried to tread lightly. He doesn’t know Castiel’s relationship with Gabriel, but he smiled anyway.

“No offense taken.” Cas spoke softly. “Dean?”

“Yes Cas?” Dean spoke and realized he had shortened the guy’s name. _Fuck, you’re such a fuck up, Dean._

“Why did you help me?” Castiel asked.

Dean thought it was pretty obvious. Cas was attractive for one, but two the guy was about to be hit by a heat stroke, he had to do something. “Because sometimes people need to be saved.”

“Why me?” The guy was blushing. It was too cute.

He just wanted to slam his lips against Castiel’s. There was no reason why he did anything. Dean thought that he was just gonna get plastered, pass out with a random guy or girl and fuck like bunnies and then treat a hang over in the morning. Fuck, he needed a cigarette. “Because I saw you.”

“Why am I so special? Did my red sweatshirt catch your eye? Did – did my tight jeans drag you in? Did my brother pay you to keep an eye on me? What was it, because I'm just a regular person?” Castiel blurted out. Dean was taken back. How could one person have such a big guard up? Well, he shouldn’t be talking, his guard was just about how high this guy’s was.

“Hey, hey, buddy.” Dean wrapped an arm around Casitel. “I saved you, that’s all that matters.”

"So my brother did pay you to watch over me like the bastard he is?"

"No, no, Cas I just saw you. Honestly, I'm surprised I was the only person to see you. Your eyes are beautiful and they caught my attention." Dean spoke confidently. _Well, fuck me sideways. Stop fucking blushing, Winchester. This isn’t middle school._

Castiel nodded, finally understood this wasn’t a plot from his brother. He looked over to Dean and tilted his head to the side. "You know, I'm feeling better now... I've got to say you're eyes are breathtaking as well."

Not only did Cas have heavenly perfect eyes, but damn he had some perfect dick suckin lips. _Fuck, why am I such a cock slut?_

The crowd of people outside started counting down.

_10…9…8…_

Dean was still staring at Castiel’s lips like the cockslut he was…he hope Cas was doing the same…

_7…6…5…_

Everything else was a blurred. Dean leaned into Cas and when outside started cheering and screaming _‘Happy New Year!’_ Dean slammed his lips against Cas’s. He didn’t even know how long they had been making out before they pulled away.

“Let’s start this new year off with a bang.” Dean smiled.

“I agree.” Cas answered with smile. _Fuck, this was the best New Year’s Party ever._

_******* _


	3. Booze in The Fridge

 

 

Castiel woke up, looking up at a white ceiling. His body was very cold on the hard floor. He got up so that he was sitting on his ass, and looked around. It was just him in the bathroom, but that was surely not what he had remembered from the night before.

His clothes were neatly folded on the floor beside the toilet. ‘ _How nice…’_ He thinks to himself. Most of his fuck-buds would just leave them everywhere or even bring them with to ‘embarrass’ him when he wakes up.

Grabbing the edge of the bath-tub, Cas lifts himself off the ground, seeing the not so clear water. He decides to unplug the drain so no one would have to see the pink-ish colored water.

After using the toilet, he picks up his clothes and puts back on the red sweat-shirt, and the rest of his attire. He looks at himself as he washes his hands in the sink. His lips are plump and still a bit swollen from the night before. Dean was rough with his kisses, but yet so gentle and loving with his touches. It was as if he actually was making love with Castiel instead of fucking him. Of course, all Cas did was a sloppy blowjob. At least it was sloppy in his opinion.

Dean just gave Cas a hand job, but that was far from sloppy. He remembers his fingers dancing along his shaft, and it was not like any other person’s before.

Once Castiel covered up the hickey on his collarbone, he walked out of the bathroom to a horrible mess of people and trash everywhere. One person was near the bathroom with a puddle beneath them. “Sorry…” Castiel whispered, biting at his nails. “I hope that is spilt beer…”

He turns the corner to see Gabriel, lying on the ground laughing with a couple of other pot heads and drug addicts. “Gabriel.” Cas calls, walking over to his older brother.

Gabe pokes his head up, “What?” He seems annoyed and certainly very high. “Gabe, we got to go home. Mom is probably wondering where we are.”

Gabriel started chuckling, “Ma, wondering where we are? Ha, what have you been smoking ‘cause I want some of it?”

Castiel gave Gabriel a serious look, “I’m serious Gabriel…”

Gabriel looked at his friend, Luci, and laughed some more. “Cas, the old fuck-up ain’t gonna care if we are alive or dead. She only cares if there is booze in the fridge.”

He wants to argue, and to scream at Gabriel for being such an asshole, but he doesn’t. “Gabriel, please, you’re my ride home.” Cas begs instead, walking closer to him. Of course, all he gets is keys thrown in his face. “Then you drive home, unless your butt is too sore to sit.” Gabe shouts, with a giant smirk on his face. His friends were giggling as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

Cas glares at his brother, “Then how are you gonna get your ass, home?” He is angry now. “I’ll walk this ass home.” He points to his butt and starts cracking up with the rest of the drug addicts.

“Then fine – fine! I hope you get hit by a fucking car on your way home!” Castiel yells, in rage. “Well, I hope you a get an STD, you fucking whore!” Gabriel yells back, his friends chuckling behind him as if it was a joke.

Castiel slams the door shut and gets in Gabriel’s car. Maybe he sped almost 10 miles over the speed limit. He didn’t care.

When he got to his house, he parked the car outside, and rushed inside, slamming the door behind himself. “Hey, hey!” Hannah, his mother yells from the couch hearing the door. Cas closes his eyes and counts to 10 to get a hold of his anger. “Yes, Mom?”

She says something, but Castiel doesn’t hear it. ‘ _She’s hung over again…’_ He thinks to himself. He quietly walks into the den, and sees his mother lying on the couch with a couple of beer cans across the coffee table, plus one in her hand.

“Mom, I didn’t hear you.” He tries to whisper. She puts her hands to her ears, “Be quiet, please. Mama’s not feeling well, okay?” She talks as if Castiel wasn’t old enough to know what was going on. “Okay, Mom, do you need anything?” He fakes a smile, trying to help his mother. She smiles softly at him, “Yeah, come here...” She whispers.

Cas comes closer and gets a kiss on the cheek from his mother. It almost makes him simmer down all the way – almost. She closes her eyes, “Thank you sweetheart.”

Cas nods, and starts to walk away, going upstairs to his room. When he gets there, he practically tears off his sweat-shirt and shirt, running into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror and splashes his face with water. His body was shaking; needing the stress off of his skin.

When he puts his hand in his pocket to get out his brand new blade, he realizes it’s not there. “No, no, no! I didn’t fucking loose it! It’s got to be somewhere!” Castiel panics, checking his other pockets, only to find a folded-up piece of paper.

It read: “ _Looking for that blade of yours? Call this number instead…’_

Castiel shakes his head and starts biting the skin off of his lip. “No, I – I need it!” He screams, looking down at his cut up forearms, stomach, and thighs. Why would that boy take his blade? He was just a good fuck – did he actually care about him?

Cas was so confused, shaking in withdraw. He looked around, and remembers the razor in the shower. Quickly, he jumps into the bathtub, grabbing the small razor and drags it quickly over his skin, over and over again until long streaks of blood came off his skin. It was his forearm again.

Castiel leaned back and actually smiled, sighing in bliss. He loved the feeling of the blood dripping off his skin until it clotted. Some of the blood hit his jeans, but it was worth it in his eyes. His heart was racing, and it made him relieved.

After the high went away, he grabbed some toilet paper and pressed down on his arm, helping it clot.

It seemed like hours went by before he heard the front door open, which cause him to rush down the stairs. “Gabe!”

Gabriel was leaning against the wall, giggling at nothing now. Cas ran to his side, “Gabriel, I’m so sorry for what I said… I didn’t mean it, I swear.”

“Cassie, ‘m tired.” He’s voice was slurred. ‘ _Drunk, and getting off his high…great.’_ Cas thought. “Okay, Gabe let’s go to bed then.”

Castiel sighed, it was only just now noon. He helped his brother up the stairs, which took forever as he Gabriel couldn’t walk in a straight line if it killed him. Gabriel let out another chuckle as Cas laid him on his bed. “Ya gonna fuck m’ too?” He starts chuckling which turns into a coughing fit. Castiel knows it’s just the alcohol talking but it still hurts.  

“No, Gabe, I’m just gonna help you to sleep.” Cas says as he sits on the bed. His brother nods, and closes his eyes, clinging onto Cas. Castiel sighs and puts his hand in his pocket, looking at the note again. Maybe he’d call it later…


	4. Whiskey In The Jar

He woke up very stiff. He was laying on his stomach with his face plastered on the chest of another man. He remember that he was on a bathroom floor, but had forgotten that he was completely naked and so was the other man. The other man was warm and inviting. He had his arms draped over the guy’s waist and a leg twist over the other guy’s leg.

 _What was the guy’s name again? Kyle…Christopher…Casanova…CASTIEL, that’s it. It was the heavenly perfect name for the man with the heavenly perfect eyes._ He sat up and ran fingers through his hair. _Did they have sex last night?_ His ass wasn’t sore and he didn’t think Cas would lay on his back after a night of fucking with Dean Winchester.

 _Oh right, Dean gave Cas an eager hand job, whilst Cas gave a sloppy blow job._ He stood slowly and realized he was quick hung over. He held his stomach not really wanting to puke in the toilet bowl when there was another man passed out by the basin. He stepped over to the sink and took a few deep breaths. He sorted through the pile of clothes. He pulled on the jeans he other were his, but when he stuck his hands in his pocket his right hand felt a knick. He pulled out his hand and blood ran down his middle and ring finger. _Fuck._ He dug in more carefully and pulled out a small blade from either a pencil sharpener or women’s razor.

He grabbed some toilet paper and put pressure on the cuts until they clot and then pulled off the jeans and folded them neatly aside. He thought since he was there, why not fold all of the other clothes. He put the infamous red sweatshirt on top and pocketed the small blade, once he was in the right pants. He grabbed his faded AC/DC shirt and flannel and pulled them on. He look at Castiel and sighed. He’s gonna figure out the missing blade. He walked into the kitchen and found post-it notes and a pen.

 _‘Looking for that blade of yours? Call this number instead…’_ He wrote his number and “Dean W.” at the bottom and walked back into the bathroom and put it in the pants pocket he found the blade and closed the bathroom door again.

After walking back into the kitchen to grab his leather jacket he noticed Gabriel and his buddies sitting in heaps on the floor giggling and laughing as high as fuck. “Morning.” Dean rasped.

“Have fun fucking my brother, pinhead?” Gabriel giggled.

“Not as much fun as I had bangin your mom last week.” Dean quipped and walked out of the house. He pulled his box of cigarettes and lighter out of his pocket and stopped on the top step of the porch. He pulled out one cig and lit it and put everything back in his pocket before beginning his journey back home.

He took a long drag and blew out his nose. He stood at the end of the driveway of his house. He opened his box of cigarettes…only one left. “Damn, I bought this pack last night.”

He lit his last one and smiled. He had like four packs hidden throughout his room. He began walking to the porch as slow as possible. He knew John knew he wasn’t home. It was obvious. He took one more drag and stomped it out on the porch.

He opened the door and the place was quiet. It was pretty early, but late enough so everyone should be awake. He stepped into the kitchen to find it empty. He walked into the living room and Sam is sitting there reading and Mom was sitting on the other side of the couch. John walked in at that exact moment. “Good, you finally decided to show up.”

“It was New Year’s Eve, of course I was gonna go out.” Dean shrugged.

“You stick or smoke and alcohol. You were out partying weren’t you?” John crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wow, some kind of detective you are sir. You haven’t been drinking?” Dean snapped.

John stepped closer to Dean. “You wanna repeat that?”

“No, sir.” Dean shook his head.

“How much did you drink? How much did you smoke?” John towered over Dean.

“Uhh—not too much.”

“Are you hung over, boy?” John growled. “Depending on how many cigarettes you smoked and how many drinks you had, depends on how many lashes you get.”

“Three beers, five shots, and a pack of cigarettes.” Dean blurted out. “Sir, I’m not hung over.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind a greasy pork burger with extra bacon, onions and served in a dirty ash tray.” John watched Dean’s face pale and a bead of sweat rolled out of his hair line. “Yeah, not hung over. How about I fix you some extra greasy pizza with anchovies and sardines.”

Dean whimpered and swallowed thickly. He stared at his father. He was about to spew up his guts all over the floor. He was extra nauseous cause he was already holding it down from when he woke up.

“Get out of my face, ya bastard, before I tear a whole in your ass.” John pointed up the stairs.

Dean bolted to the upstairs bathroom and heaved all of the alcohol he had the night before into the bowl. Once he finished he pressed his face against the cool porcelain surface of the towel. Sam stood in the doorway staring at Sam. Dean noticed the busted lip. He chose not to ask.

“How was the night of partying?”

“If you’re gonna bitch at me, fuck off.” Dean groaned.

Sam walked inside and shut the door behind him. “I came to tell you that after I left your room and closed your window Dad and I got into another fight.”

“Shocker…” Dean mumbled feeling like shit again.

“I defend you. He watched you drop of roof and run off with a lit cigarette. I told him you were going to hang out with a few friends from New Year’s Eve. I wasn’t lying but I didn’t tell him you were gonna go at drinking to get hung over.”

“Stop, Sam.” Dean groaned.

“No, I told him that you were responsible and wouldn’t come home drunk and wouldn’t drink too much.” Sam answered. “You screwed yourself by getting drunk and stumbling in home and tell dad you weren’t hung over then puke in the bathroom.”

“Stop, Sam. I’m sorry. Is that the reason you got a busted lip?” Dean pressed his forehead on the toilet bowl feel more burning bile crawl up his throat.

“No, I told Dad to suck a dick. He wasn’t gonna let me go on a field trip. I punched him and he punched back.” Sam frowned.

“Sammy, go away. You’re not—“ he gagged. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m not trying to help.” Sam crouched down beside his brother.

Dean got up on the balls of his toes and heaved into the bowl. He felt Sam rubbing his back. “Why are you still here?” Dean groaned in between gags.

“I care about you Dean. Mom is oblivious to everything that Dad does to us. We are a team, just you and me against the world. I wanna make sure you are ok. If you’re ok, I’m ok.”

“I know, Sammy. Last night, I just wanted to get drunk and smoke. I’m sorry that I screwed myself over, but this is all my fault and this is where I belong.” Dean spit into the toilet and flushed and tried to stand. Sam helped him stand. “Thanks, Sam. Doesn’t make up for the fact you test that man to push him over the edge.”

“Go lay down, big brother. I’ll grab you some water and aspirin.” Sam patted Dean’s shoulder.

He laid there for a while and managed to get some sleep. By the time he woke Sam was listening to his Ipod and playing Xbox. His mother was on the couch reading and John must have been outside. He crept into the kitchen and found his hidden whiskey. He put it there so if it was found John just might think he bought it and not ask any questions. He darted back up the stairs and took a long swig and let the burning liquid settle in his stomach.

He set it beside his bed between the bed and the side table. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and plugged it into his charger. He frowned when he hadn’t seen any missed calls or texts from Cas. _Please, Cas, last night was more than an one night stand. Please, for the love of God, pick up the damn phone and call._

**_*_ _**_ **


	5. Texting

 

“Cassie, wake up…” Gabriel says, his voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard. Castiel slowly opened his eyes, seeing his brother dressed, with bags under his eyes. “Good, you’re alive.” Gabe smiles, patting Cas’s shoulder. “You were bleeding pretty badly in your sleep. I don’t usually wake up with dry blood on my shirt.”

Cas frowns and looks down at his forearm. It looked raw, deep, and red. “Why didn’t you shove me awake if you thought I was dead?” Castiel asks, looking at Gabriel who just shrugs and walks over to the end of the bed.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re up. Your stupid phone has gone off about 10 times just in the last 20 minutes. If it’s one of your so-called ‘friends’ then please keep it down. I’m weighing on a massive headache.” Gabriel says, tossing Cas’s phone at him. It hit his chest with a thud.

“You know, I do more than have sex!” Castiel yells at his brother as he starts walking out the door. “Masturbating and cutting yourself doesn’t count as other things!” Gabe yelled back.

Castiel bit his lip and let his finger nails stink into his palms. Sighing, he grabs his phone and turns it on, revealing a missed call from Dean, who he had called the night before. He never answered, but now left a voice mail. The others were from Meg, and Crowley; both of them wanting to see Castiel later that day.

_Meg: Hey Angel…We haven’t met up in awhile. Meet at my house later? Parents aren’t home till midnight. ;)_

_Crowley: Would you be an angel and meet me at the gas station downtown at 6:00? I believe we have unfinished business to take care of._

Castiel sighs and massages at his temples. He usually would answer them back as quickly as possible, but Dean left a mark in his brain. He walks to the bathroom and gets ready for the day. His arm was a deep red, almost glowing in the lights.

His phone buzzes again in his pocket.

_Meg: I need an answer soon, or else I can find someone else…_

Cas sighs and walks out of the bathroom, hearing moaning in his parent’s bedroom. ‘ _Great, another one…’_ Cas thinks to himself, trying to get away from the noise. When he rushes down the stairs he sees his mother on couch, drinking with tears in her eyes. He knew better than to mess with his mother when she was like that; when she was in her depressed and drunken state.

With that, he carefully walked out the door, getting his phone out texting everyone back. _‘I’m on my way Meg…’_ He types first.

 _‘Maybe Crowley, I’ll see if I have time…’_ He replies, looking at to see if he missed anyone. Dean’s missed call was still there, staring at him. Cas decided it was time to at least text the guy. ‘ _Hey, It’s Castiel.’_ He simply sent, putting his phone away as he walked to Meg’s house. She was only a block away, and he knew Gabriel would be pissed if he took his car.

After a 5 minute walk he was finally there and knocked on the door. Meg answered the door quickly, grabbing Castiel by the arm and dragging him into the house. Although his arm stung, he wasn’t faced by it because of Meg who shoved him against a wall.

Her mouth traced Cas’s chin, as she cupped Castiel’s ass, getting right to business. Cas tilted his head back against the wall to give her more skin and room. His arms fumbled with her skirt to get it off her hips, as Meg began to suck on Cas’s neck. She stripped Cas’s long sleeve shirt off, and unbuttons his jeans with just two fingers.

Cas was already feeling the sex high coming on and began to grin, knowing that his stress would fly away for a bit.

“What’s wrong, Angel?” Meg asks, looking up at Cas as she unzipped his pants. Castiel looks down at Meg for a second, realizing he had zoned out. “Nothing just zoned out…” He groans. Meg nods and cups Cas’s ass again as she slips her fingers under his boxers.

“You’re just not as into to it as usual.” She says in a more hushed tone, kissing down Cas’s chest as his boxer’s fell to the ground. Cas shrugs from above. Maybe he wasn’t in that much of a mood for sex, but he needed that high. He was having withdraws from it.

“I bet I can help you with that…” Meg whispers, bringing her mouth closer to his cock. She sticks her tongue out and drags it along the bottom of his shaft. Cas shivers, closes his eyes as she wraps her mouth around his whole cock.

His moans were soft. It was a pretty bad blowjob, but Cas didn’t care. She was really rough, almost forceful. “Meg…” He moaned quietly.

She took her lips off his hardened one, and got up on his level, grabbing him by the back of the head. Their kisses to each other had no emotion. They were just fuck buddies after all. They stopped kissing when Castiel started taking off the rest of her clothes.

She smiled and pushed Cas onto the floor, getting on top of him. “I’m gonna ride you, Angel.” Meg moans setting herself up against Cas’s dick.

She gets him inside her and starts thrusting up and down, not even trying to go slow. “Fuck!” She groans, grabbing at her own boobs, making Cas watch.

Cas is almost drooling, knowing he is going to come soon. “Meg, I’m – I’m gonna come…” He hums starting to thrust his hips in the same motion has her. She lets out a loud yell, which sends him off the edge, coming into her.

He closes his eyes and pants in a post-orgasm state. Meg gets off him soon after, getting her bra and underwear back on. Castiel opens his eyes, seeing her walk over to the couch as if he wasn’t there anymore.

He got up himself, getting his boxers on, walking over to the couch. “When are you leaving?” Meg asks, now with a pack of cigarettes in her hand. Cas shrugs, watching as she gets his lighter out.

“Want one?” She smirks, as she begins to smoke. “It’s a fresh pack.”

“I’m okay.” Cas says, “I actually think I’m gonna go…”

“Whatever.” Meg rolls her eyes, not looking at him anymore. Cas nods, and walks over the mess of his clothes and puts them back on. “Tell your brother I said hi.” She yells, as Cas walks out the door.

 _‘Great, she knows Gabriel now…’_ Cas thinks, frowning. ‘ _They must have met at the party…’_

After another 5 minute walk, he was home. Gabriel’s car wasn’t there, so he wasn’t home.

His mother laid asleep, on the couch. Dry tear stains were left on her cheeks, and an empty bottle of booze was on the ground. It only made Cas’s heart sink. He walked over to her, grabbed a blanket and put it over her. At least she’d be warm.

“Hey Castiel.” Cas hears from the stairs behind him. It was his father, Michael. His hair was crazy, hickeys covered his body, and he was only in a pair of boxers.

“Hey Dad.” Cas said quietly, not in the mood any of this. He walked closer to his Dad, only because he was near the stairs. “I haven’t seen you in a couple of days, how’s school been?” He asks.

“I’m on break Dad. School doesn’t start again till the fourth…” Castiel frowns. ‘ _He doesn’t care…’_

“Oh, then what have you been doing this past couple of days?” His father asks, watching Castiel get to the stairs. “Nothing.”

“Well, if you need me I’ll be in the kitchen.” Michael says walking away from Cas. Castiel dug his nails into his palm, rushing up the stairs. He could feel his eyes getting wet. ‘ _No, you don’t fucking cry. Gabriel told you to never EVER cry.’_

He shakes his head and runs into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. He sits in the bathtub after grabbing the razor he used the last night. But, before he almost slices into his other arm the phone inside his pocket starts buzzing. It was from Dean.

_Dean: Hey Cas, call me sometime okay?_

Castiel sighed. ‘ _Okay…’_ He thinks to himself, as he clicks on Dean’s name. He was going to call him.


	6. Drowning in Booze and Cigarettes

Nothings better than nursing a hangover like more alcohol. He can’t remember the last time he was 100% sober. He had just gotten off the phone with Cas. The boy sounded stressed. He sounded on edge. Dean understood those feelings. That’s why he drowned himself in booze and cigarettes. Damn, if he had money and had a way to hide it as well as he could his smokes and liquor, Dean would have long since started weed, ketamine, cocaine, meth…heroine…you name it Dean wants to try, but he can’t.

Sound simple to hide things like cigarettes in his room, but not when your father is John Winchester, ex-marine. He sat on the couch after walking down the stairs to grab a water bottle when he knew something was wrong. John was standing in the doorway of the living room with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. “Sit, now.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean rushed over to the couch and sat down.

“Wanna know where I found these?” John paced the couch. Dean looked down at his shoes. “I found these inside an old text book of yours.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Dean replied.

“You cut out a whole in a textbook to hide cigarettes? Are you playing me as a damn fool? Look at me boy.” John growled.

Dean looked up at his father. “No, sir.”

“I thought I told you no more smoking.” John bent over to get in his sons face.

“I tried, sir.”

“You tried? For how long? I saw you smoking when you left the house on New Year’s Eve. I watched you smoke as you entered the house yesterday. I see you smoke whenever you go outside. I can smell the smoke on your clothes and on your breath. How many more packs do you have hidden in this house?”

“No more, sir. That was my last pack.” Dean panicked. Damn he was gonna pay for that one if John found out.

John nodded. “Now, we never discussed punishment for sneaking out of the house to go to some house party.”

“I thought the hangover was the punishment?” Dean blurted out then went wide eyed.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, sir.” Dean hid his face.

John pulled Dean’s chin up. “Repeat what you said.”

Dean blinked. “I thought the hangover was the punishment.”

The father pulled Dean to his feet by the chin. “You said you went hungover.” John laughed. “Are you saying that you lied to me, Dean Winchester? Were you hungover yesterday?”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. I will not lie to you again, sir.” Dean frantically replied.

John punched him across the face throwing Dean to the ground with a thud. The man then proceeded to land one hearty kick to Dean’s ribcage. “You’re pathetic.”

Dean curled in on himself and watched his father walk out of the house. He slowly made his way to his feet and walked slightly hunched over to the stairs. He saw Sam standing at the top. Dean wrapped an arm around his torso knowing he was gonna have a bruised ribcage and a nice pretty bruised cheekbone.

Sam rushed down the stairs to aid Dean. “Are you ok?”

“He went easy on me.” Dean rasped. “Help me to my room.”

“Where did Dad go?” Sam asked as they reached the top of the stairs.

Dean groaned and sat down slowly on the bed. “Don’t know, don’t care. Damn, I really need a cigarette.”

“Not with Dad with amped.”

“I’m not suicidal, Sam.”

“Not any more than usual.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid with Dad like this. He is probably on his way to the bar or liquor store.”

Dean waved him off and looked at his phone he had left on the bed. There was a message from Cas. ‘What’s your address? Could really use someone to talk to.’

Dean sighed. Dean’s room was on the back of the house, so there was no way John could see him from the road or driveway. He smiled softly. He started typing his response. He gave the address then directions on how to get in. “You’re gonna have to sneak around back. If my Dad sees you. You’re a dead man. There’s a ladder propped against the house cause it doesn’t fit in our garage. Climb up that to get on the roof. I’ll be waiting.”

Dean removed the framed picture of him and his mom when he was little to reveal a whole in the plaster wall. John wasn’t the only one who had anger problems. This worked in his advantage. He would hid a couple packs in the whole and drape the picture to cover. He grabbed the back and then opened the drawer which had his lighter. He opened the window only to be slapped in the face by the close winter air. He crawled out and shut the window enough so it was just barely closed.

He started his first cigarette and moaned as he nicotine engulfed his lungs. He was so deep into thought and pleasure of the smoke that he didn’t notice the blue eyed wonder scaling the ladder. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

Dean flinched and stared Castiel. “You don’t know much about me at all.”

“Touché.” Cas sat down beside Dean opposite of the window. “Thanks for letting me come over this late in the evening.”

“No problem. Beats sitting here alone. Wanna smoke?” Dean offered the fresh pack.

“No thanks. I don’t smoke.” Cas shook his head.

Dean shrugged. “More cancer for me.”

“That’s kinda dark don’t you think?” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“So tearing up your skin with a blade, you don’t see me judging you.” Dean snapped back.

“You took my blade…remember.” Cas looked at his hands.

Dean scoffed. “You are trying to tell me you only have the one blade. You’re kidding, right? I ain’t gonna pity you, so stop trying. You came for a reason, now spit it out.”

Cas looked taken back by Dean’s bluntness. He blinked and watched Dean look away and take a long, deep drag of the cigarette. He held it in his lungs for a well before letting it escape his nostrils. “I didn’t use my other blade because of your text.”

“Congratulations.” Dean rubbed out the rest of the cigarette on the roof and pulled out another one. “You get to breathe for one day longer.”

“You know, I don’t need to deal with this shit…” Cas began to stand. He stood and started walking to the ladder when Dean grabbed his wrist.

“No, Cas, wait. I’m sorry. Stop for a second.” Dean begged.

Cas yanked his hand back and stared at Dean. “Why should I be here if you are just gonna be an ass and insult me?”

Dean watched Cas start walking off again and he took Cas’s wrist again and pulling him back. “I’m sorry, please, Cas, stay.”

He pulled hard forcing Cas to get on his haunches and knees. Dean frowned Cas wasn’t looking him in the eye, but just below them. “What happened to your face?”

Dean let go of the guy’s wrist and pulled out his third smoke. He started to light it. He took a drag and blew smoke out his nose. “My life happened.”

Cas sat back down beside Dean against the wall of the house. “How did it happen?”

“I’m a crappy son.” Dean frowned.

“I doubt that.” Cas looked at Dean. “Under the circumstances that you aren’t an ass 24/7.”

Dean huffed. “I’m sorry I said all of that shit. I didn’t mean it. Not in the best mood with my face throbbing.” He cleared his throat. “But I was serious, why did you decide to not to break skin and talk to me.”

“Wanted to talk to someone.” Cas shrugged.

“I know that feeling.”

_**(* &^%$#$%^&*()*&^%$#$%^&*()** _

They had talked for hours. It was dark out and dropping in temperature. “Yeah, tomorrow is my 17th birthday.”

“Happy early birthday.” Cas smiled.

“My Dad is probably gonna treat it like just another day. Sam will wish my happy birthday, Mom will smile and hug me and Dad will beat the living shit out of me cause I interrupted his breakfast.” Dean ranted.

“Normally, my birthdays with everyone in my house forgetting. Dad’s banging his new assistant, Mom drank herself unconscious at noon and Gabe is as high as a kite.” Cas nodded.

Dean took a drag of his last cigarette. “Damn, this is my last one.”

“You go through a lot of cigarettes.” Cas spoke.

“Damn near a pack a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less.” Dean shrugged. “Today was a good day.”

“Are you gonna go inside where’s warm or freeze to death all night?” Cas shivered.

“If my Dad finds out I sleep with dude, he’ll kill me.”

Cas opened Dean’s window. “Then we’ll be quiet.”

“Easy for you to say.” Dean followed the guy. Cas stood in the middle of the room shivering with a cute little pink nose while Dean closed the bedroom door and locked it. Dean stripped off his jacket and shoes. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it into the hamper and started unbuttoning his jeans when he noticed Cas just standing there awkwardly. “What are you waiting for? A formal invitation?”

Cas flinched and pulled off his sweatshirt and short off then his shoes. Dean crawled on the bed and got under the covers and skillfully removed his boxer briefs. “Getting comfy?”

“Body heat is better with skin to skin contact.” Dean smirked.

Cas dropped his pants and stepped out of his underwear with Dean watching him cock the whole way into the bed. “Like what you see?”

“Much so.” Dean opened the covers, showing off his package. “I think I got you beat.”

Cas smirked but then saw the bruise scaling Dean’s ribs. “That looks like it hurts.”

Dean looked at what Cas was staring at and closed the covers. “Nah, only hurts when I breathe too hard. C’mere, I’m cold.”

“If that was your cock cold, I wanna it’s full length.” Cas smirked and climbed under the covers and got close to the man.

They stared at each other for a while until they were warm. Dean leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Cas’s lips and pulled away. “I’m glad you stayed.”

Cas kissed Dean longer and harder. When he pulled away both his and Dean’s lips were plump and pink. “You smell like smoke.”

“Good, covers up the smell of booze I had before my Dad hit me.” Dean smiled. He looked away from Cas. The whiskey was still by his bed and he had more under the floor board. He wanted a cigarette and a shot of liquor now. “But I could use some whiskey, a lot of whiskey.”

“I didn’t know you drink or smoke this much.” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas.” He kissed the blue eyed beauty. They repeated kissed for a while then fell asleep in each other’s embrace. John had passed out before they had come inside and wouldn’t be conscious until noonish. That gave them time to snuggle and spoon, and make out…Dean smiled before truly going into sleep. ‘ _Damn he wanted a cigarette and some liquor.’_

_******* _


	7. You Shouldn't Care

Castiel woke up to screaming and yelling from outside the door.

“Dean, help me! Help me please!” It sounded like a smaller man’s voice. The voice got closer, and soon enough he heard banging on the door. “Dean, unlock the door! Get up! Help me, please!” The boy shouted. Before Castiel could even get up to do something, Dean was shoving himself out of the bed.

“Cas, go!” He says to Cas. It wasn’t loud or harsh; just serious. Castiel panics, but nods, getting out of the bed, jumping into his jeans.

“Come back here, Sammy boy! I’ll show you what a boy gets with that attitude of yours.” He hears an older man’s voice slur. ‘ _Does Dean have a brother?’_ He thinks as he quickly slips on his long-sleeve shirt.

“DEAN!” The boy apparently named Sam, screams. He can hearing a wiping noise before he rushes down the ladder, running as far away as possible. Dean lived about 20 minutes away from Cas, by walking. He didn’t realize how long those 20 minutes were until he forgot his red sweatshirt at Dean’s house.

It was almost 32 degrees outside, and all he had on was a long-sleeve shirt on and his jeans. He sighed and could see the air escape his mouth and nose. _‘I wonder if everything is okay…’_ Cas thinks. He gets his phone out and asks if everything is okay.

When he finally gets home he sees Gabriel’s car in the driveway. ‘ _Where’s he been all day?’_

He walks into the house and closes the door quietly. It makes the photos on the walls shake. Castiel hears noises in the kitchen. “Gabe, is that you?” Cas asks walking into the kitchen. He regrets his decision as soon as he turns the corner to see his Father making-out with a girl who is sitting on the counter, butt-naked.

Covering his eyes, trying to erase the image from his head, he starts to run up stairs. When he gets to his room he finds Gabriel, very quickly.

“Cassie, you’re home!” His brother yells, practically attacking Cas with affection. Gabriel never hugged Cas, what was up with that?

“What the hell are you doing?” Cas asks trying to get out of Gabriel’s oddly sweaty grip. “I’m hugging my brother, because I love him.” Gabe admits, cuddling his head into Cas’s shoulder.

Cas gives him a questionable look, and slowly gets out of his brother’s grip. “Gabriel, what is—“

“Hey Cassie, do you wanna go to the bar or something? I think I’m gonna go. You should come with. Probably fuck some girls, and party all night. All fucking night! Wouldn’t that be—“

“Gabriel, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Cas shouts, looking his brother in his not-so golden eyes at the moment. His pupils were huge.

Gabriel smiles, “Nothing is wrong with me little bro! I’m happy! I feel free, and energetic, and just want to go out and do some fucking shit. Wanna come with me, please! I’ll – I’ll pay for everything! Come on Cas, it’ll be so much fun!”

Castiel gives a serious, yet questionable look to his eldest brother. “Gabriel, what are you smoking now? This isn’t fucking pot and it’s not funny.”

“I’m not _smoking_ anything.” Gabriel giggles, wrapping his arm around Castiel as if he was a toy. “Gabriel, what are you on?”

“You wanna go have some fun with me or not?” Gabriel smiles not answering the question. “Gabriel! What are you on?!”

“Geez, cool it down and be happy. You need some pot to calm down.” His brother smirks, grabbing a blunt out of his pocket. “I bought this but I’m sure I can let my little brother have some.”

“Gabriel, I don’t want your fucking weed! Answer my damn question before I…” Castiel trials off realizing he doesn’t have anything to do about it. His parents didn’t care…

“Exactly, my friend! You can’t do shit, so what’s even the point of telling? Besides, I’m happy so why do you care? I don’t care that you suck cock and make yourself bleed for a living, so you shouldn’t care about what I do. So, how about we go out and bang some chick, ay?” Gabe is resting his hand on Cas’s shoulder now, looking up at him with his big, beady eyes.

Cas frowns, “You can go. I’m too tired.” He didn’t want to argue anymore with his brother. Gabriel _always_ wins his fights.

“I understand, Cassie. Maybe next time, you can invite one of your fuck-buds here so we all can have some fun, alright? That’d be great. I’ll be back whenever I feel like. Call me if ya need me!” Gabe yells. Even high off his ass, he stills cared about his little brother.

When Gabe shuts the door Cas decides to sit on his bed and look through the messages on his phone that he missed last night. Most of them were from Crowley, wanting to come over and bang him until he couldn’t sit for a week. But Cas didn’t answer them back, he was with Dean.

Dean maybe could be an asshole, but so could Cas. Castiel really liked Dean for some reason and felt odd to even believe that he might could become more than fuck-buddy. It almost had him laugh thinking about actually having a friend or even boyfriend.

The last friend he had was when he was so young and ever since the Novak’s moved from Illinois, he never saw that friend again.

Frowning he looks over at his beside counter, spotting his favorite pocket knife. He had had that thing since he started self-harming. It was almost his only ‘friend.’

Grabbing it he decides to cut his other arm. Sometimes, he felt he just needed to. He had no reason at the time; he just needed to get it out of his system. So, taking his favorite knife, he rolls up the sleeve of the arm he had not cut in awhile and drags his blade across it slowly, and deeply.

He closes his eyes and does it over and over again in straight lines. With the box of tissues on his bedside table, he wipes off the stray blood his arm, not wanting any of it to get on the floor.

“Castiel?” He hears his mother say, as she opens the door. He stares at her with his arm out. She stares at the bloody tissues and ugly new cuts.

“Oh...I just – I just wanted to tell you goodnight…” She whispers, shutting the door behind her as quickly as possible. Castiel frowns, hearing his mother whimper. ‘ _You’re such a worthless piece of shit…you can’t do anything right, Cas. You shouldn’t even be here.’_ The negative part of Cas’s brains says.

“I hate you!” He says to his pocket knife as he throws harshly across the room. Cas digs his fingernails into his palms, waiting to feel the burn. So much for that being his only friend…

After the blood clotted, he took off his clothes and got into the bed, completely naked. It was just something he liked doing. He got his phone out and decided to text Dean. “ _If everything’s okay, I was wondering if…if you wanted to actually celebrate your birthday? Just me and you..? I know I’m stupid to think you actually care about me, but I’d like you to know that I...Look, just answer me back if you’re willing too…”_

Cas clicked send blushing at himself. ‘ _Stupid…’_ He called himself, before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep.


	8. Soldier

_“_ Sammy?” Dean flung open the door.

He heard the ear piercing scream of his brother and a loud crack of a whip from his father. “Dean!”

Dean bolted to the source of the noise, Sam’s room. John had Sam throw over his bed. Right as Dean entered John crack his belt onto Sam’s back. His little brother belted another scream. “Dad! Stop! You’re hurting him!”

“Stay out of this Dean.” John raised his arm.

Dean took his chance and grabbed John’s wrist. “No, Dad, stop!”

John froze and turned to Dean. The boy kept his grip on his father. “Is that an order soldier?”

“Yes, sir.” Dean froze. He let go of his father.

“I’m going to finished punishing your brother…then you’re next, soldier.” John pointed at Dean. “Now, get to you room.”

Dean ran to his room and turned so fast into his room his feet slid from underneath him, sending him to the floor and foundering like a fish. He pressed himself against his bed and panted. He couldn’t breathe. He was terrified. Sam was screaming bloody murder and Dean couldn’t do anything to stop it. “Sammy’s gonna be ok. He’s a trooper. He’s strong.”

“DEAN!” Sam screamed.

Dean closed his eyes and covered his ears, but it was no use. He could still hear Sam’s screams as clear as day. He darted back to Sam’s room. He saw blood. There was blood on Sam’s back. “Dad! Stop! You’re hurting Sam! He’s bleeding!”

“I told you to wait in your room!” John yelled turning to his eldest son. “Now, go wait in your room.”

“No, sir!” Dean yelled. He pulled Sam off the bed and behind him. “Go wait in the bathroom, Sammy.”

“Sammy, don’t move.”

“Punish me, Dad. Give me the rest of Sam’s punishment, plus mine.” Dean pointed a finger to his chest. “Don’t hurt Sammy.”

John looked at Sam. “You’re free to go, Samuel. Back talk me again and I’ll tear your hide.”

Sam nodded. “Yes, sir.” He limp towards the bathroom.

John instantly gripped Dean’s arms and threw him over Sam’s bed, lifted the boy’s shirt and popped him five times. Five seconds later he received five more. John leaned forward and whispered in Dean’s ear. “Those were Sam’s.”

Dean knew how many lashes he could take before he started looking like Sam. He number was 56. The cuts on Dean’s back never truly healed. They kept reopening after John whipped him again. Sam could barely push 25 before the cuts are too knarly to bear.

John whipped him 30 more times before pulled him up right and cracking the belt across the face on the same side John had punched him the night prior. Dean collapsed to the ground and John kneeled in front of him and gripped his chin. “Don’t ever tell me what to do again.”

Dean nodded and let his head fall to the ground as John walked down stairs. He could hear Sam’s sob. The boy was in so much pain. He pulled himself to his feet and began stumbling to the bathroom where Sam was sitting on the toilet with the lid closed sobbing into his hands.

Sam actually passed out from the pain while Dean cleaned the cuts with hydrogen peroxide. Dean quickly cleaned the wounds and bandaged the bad cuts and carried Sam to his bedroom to rest. He checked himself out. His back was too back. One or two scars had reopened, but not enough to worry about. He cleaned it and looked at his face. Where the belt hit his face was bright red and angry. There was a small cut, but nothing too bad.

He walked into his bedroom and slowly sat down on the bed. “Happy Birthday to me…” he mumbled. He heard his phone buzz so he pulled it off the side table and saw that Castiel had texted him.

_‘If everything’s okay, I was wondering if…if you wanted to actually celebrate your birthday? Just me and you..? I know I’m stupid to think you actually care about me, but I’d like you to know that I...Look, just answer me back if you’re willing too…’_

A choked sob escaped Dean’s throat. This was one of the times that Dean was glad that he met Castiel. If he hadn’t he would be really considering disinfecting his insides with bleach. But he wasn’t gonna do that. At least one person in his pathetic life care about him.

Tears rolled down his face. He wiped them away and stared at his phone. He couldn’t respond yet. He felt an overwhelm wave of guilt engulf him. He let John whip Sam more than he should have. He had been a coward and ran away from John and hid in his room letting Sam bleed and scream in pain. Even when he did take over for Sam, Sam still was worse off than him.

He wiped his face again and typed on his phone. _‘Can I go to your house? I need you…I’m not ok.’_

Dean couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t breathe. He didn’t think he answered Cas’s questions. He just needed an answer. He needed to know if he was gonna jump out his window head first or climb out his window and scale down the ladder.

Dean stood and paced his bedroom getting more panicked by the second. Ten minutes pass and no response from Cas.

An hour later he has stopped crying and started feeling betrayal. _‘Cas, I really need you. I’m not doing to hot…’_

Another hour past and Dean is shaking on his roof top wearing only a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants. He took a drag off his fifth, sixth or seventh cigarette and stared at his phone. He sent his fourth or fifth text to Cas after that second one. _‘I get it. I’m an ass. If you were going to lead me on like this you need to tell me when you’re gonna push me aside.’_

Half an hour passes and Dean had finished a whole and a half of cigarettes and added his secret booze to the mix. He sent one more message. _‘You’re ignoring me, that’s fine. What happened this morning was harsh for anyone who doesn’t know my family. Were you lying in that text you sent me? Cause right now it doesn’t seem like you care at all. Well, it’s been a great birthday. Hopefully, I don’t make it to the next one…I won’t text you again, bye, Cas.’_

Dean finished his second pack of cigarette and his bottle of whiskey. He painfully stumbled into his room and slowly descended to his bed and collapsed on his stomach and passed out for a few hours. He only woke up because Sam had gotten into bed with him and curled up at his side and was asleep. He didn’t bother to check his phone. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair and closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, hopefully, a better day.

***


	9. Trouble

Castiel woke up to see that it was 9 o’clock at night. ‘ _I slept all day? I didn’t think I was that tired…’_

He got up and sipped on some boxers and pants, knowing he wasn’t going to be sleeping at all that night. Who cared anyway? He could leave the house for days and no one would notice except maybe Gabe.

            Cas walks to the bathroom, noticing the door is closed. He knocks on the door, and was given no answer. “Hello?” Castiel questions as he opens the door slightly. Gabriel is on curled up in the corner of the room with his head resting on the wall.

            “You party too hard, Gabe?” Cas somewhat chuckles, walking into the bathroom. When he gets closer he notices a bit of blood running out of his eldest brother’s nose.

“Gabriel?!” Cas yells, getting down by his brothers side, shaking him. He was still breathing, although his body was hot. “Gabe, wake up!” Cas calls, shaking his brother’s sweaty arm. His brother groans, and pushes Cas away.

“Gabe, you gotta get up. Your nose is bleeding and you seem like you got a fever.” Castiel grabs his brothers arm, trying to get him to sit up.

            “Get your dirty paws off of me…” Gabriel mumbles practically slapping his little brother, trying to get out of his grip. “Then get up!” Cas says.

            Gabe opens his eyes which are beat red, with bags under them. “What happened to you? You look like shit.” Cas questions. “Thank you, Asstiel.” Gabe rolls his eyes, pushing his brother out of the way to get up and look in the mirror.

            “You know that’s not what I meant. Are you sick?” Castiel asks, getting up to his brother’s level. Gabriel glares at his Cas, “I’m not fucking sick, and you should get out of my fucking business, ya little shit.”

            Cas tilts his head to the side, giving Gabe a questionable look. “What the hells’ your problem?” He just wanted to help his older brother. Gabe helped Cas so much, why couldn’t Cas help him?

            “My problem is that you are sticking your head up my ass. Now stay out,” Gabriel pushes Castiel forcefully onto the floor, “of _my_ damn business!”

            Cas just stares at his brother with his ocean blue eyes. “I – I just wanted to help…” It comes out all at once, almost in fear. “Well, I didn’t ask for your help! I don’t need any help from anyone!” Gabe shouts, stepping over Cas to get out of the bathroom.

            “Where are you going?” Cas simply asks. “Out!” His older brother shouts.

            “Gabriel, Castiel!” They both hear their father shout from his bedroom. It was supposedly their parent’s bedroom but their mother was never in there. The two stared at Michael.

            “Would ya quit the yelling? Some people are trying to sleep in here!” The door slams behind him and Gabriel just gets madder. Cas doesn’t stand up, almost scared of the way his brother was acting. He heard his brother run down the stairs, and the front door shut. Gabriel wasn’t going to be home for awhile…

            Cas stares into the bathroom where Gabriel just was minutes before. He looked so tired, sick, and weak. What was going on?

            His whole body was shaking, and his eyes were getting wet. He slowly walked back to his room, looking at the ground. His phone buzzes from his bedside table, so he walks to go get it. He had 5 unread messages from Dean. _‘Oh god, Dean. Oh god, I totally forgot about…’_ Cas thinks to himself before even reading the texts.

            _‘Can I go to your house? I need you…I’m not ok.’_

            _‘Cas, I really need you. I’m not doing to hot…’_

_‘Castiel?’_

                _‘I get it. I’m an ass. If you were going to lead me on like this you need to tell me when you’re gonna push me aside.’_

            _‘You’re ignoring me, that’s fine. What happened this morning was harsh for anyone who doesn’t know my family. Were you lying in that text you sent me? Cause right now it doesn’t seem like you care at all. Well, it’s been a great birthday. Hopefully, I don’t make it to the next one…I won’t text you again, bye, Cas.’_

 

            A tear fell down Cas’s face. He hadn’t actually cried in what felt like years. “I’m – I’m so sorry Dean…” Cas sobs to himself, putting his hand over his mouth. He begins to text him back, wiping the tears off his face.

            ‘ _Dean, I’m so sorry…so sorry. I feel asleep, I didn’t think was going to be asleep all day. I’m so sorry Dean, I – I didn’t mean to leave you, I’m so sorry…’_ A tear feel onto his phone as he typed more. _‘I wasn’t ignoring you. I had just… I had just made my mom cry, and then Gabriel went off to who knows where. I walked in on my dad with some new blonde haired chick in the kitchen, and I just wanted it all to go away…I wanted to tell you before that I really cared about you, Dean…I’m so sorry I let you down…’_

            Castiel clicks send and then throws his phone onto the bed. He rushes to the other side of the room, and grabs his old pocket knife, running all the way back into the bathroom. His pants and boxers fall off his skin so easily before he steps into the bathtub with his only friend.

            He lays his head against the wall, closing his eyes, before he start cutting all down his thighs. His hand is over his mouth to keep him from screaming as he cuts deep at his stomach. This wasn’t enough anymore…

            He lets tears after tears fall down his eyes as he cuts into his sides, waiting for all of his skin to turn red with anger. After he adds more cuts onto his forearms, he turns on the showerhead and covers his mouth, knowing he is about to scream.

            As soon as the water touches his skin, he lets out muffled cries, hating himself for every second of it. It burns as if fire was lurking under his skin. Cas lets his nails dig into his palms as he seemed to do every day.

            Curling into a ball, he lets the water fall on top of him until it stopped burning; until he stopped crying.

            Once he got out of the shower, he went back into his room, and looked at his phone. Dean hadn’t text back. Frowning, Castiel looks at his clock; 3:39 AM. He wasn’t going to go to school the next day. That just wasn’t happening. As if anyone cared anyway…


	10. I Want To Be With You

He woke up lying on his back. He groaned and at the stiffness and soreness of the lashes. He opened his eyes and saw that Sam was still curled up at his side fast asleep. He ran his fingers through his brother’s hair He looked up at his clock. School had started an hour ago, but that didn’t bother him. Dean had stopped going, almost completely. Sam was almost always at school. He could miss one day.

He pulled himself out of bed and gently laid Sam on his stomach and ever so carefully draped the sheet over his raw, weeping back. He walked over to the mirror and checked out his back. It looked angry and there were some cuts that had dried blood around the edges and were a little raw, but nothing to cry over. If Sam wasn’t crying, he shouldn’t cry. He got up close to his face.

The bruise, cut and lash all blended together with mixes of purple, red, and pink. The feeling of the prior night. He stomach clenched at the thought. He thought he had something with Cas. He thought Cas was different the all the other guys he had fucked or been fucked by. Hell, they hadn’t even properly fucked yet. Just a sloppy blow job and a rushed hand job and two nights ago they made out gently.

He cleared his throat to hold back tears. He barely knew Castiel. For all he knew Cas could be a guy who just tossed guys to the side when he was done with them. He probably didn’t give Cas what he wanted, so into the garbage he went. Cas probably just wanted sex and Dean couldn’t even give him that.

He turned around and his eyes connected with his cell phone. He went to reach for it, but he saw Sam stir on the bed and whimper. He rushed over to his brother’s side and combed his fingers through Sam’s hair. He hated to see Sam in pain. Sam blinked his eyes open and looked up at Dean, but didn’t move. Fresh tears built up in his brother’s eyes and ran down his face and over the bridge of his nose.

Dean cringed at his little brothers pain. He carefully lifted the sheets until it was completely off his back and ended right before his underwear started. He ran into the bathroom and grabbed the Neosporin. He sat down beside Sam and opened the cap. He squeezed out a glob and ever so gently dabbed it into one of the cuts. He felt Sam grip his leg and squeeze. He kept going. He had to. The wounds were clean, but now he had to stop them from getting infected. He kept going as he moved the glob down the lash cut. Sam started sobbing into the mattress and murmuring Dean’s name.

When he finished and laid down on his stomach and stared at Sam. He had never seen Sam in this much pain. John had gone too far this time on him. It broke his heart. “I’m sorry, little brother. It was just Neosporin. That will help your cuts heal faster and make the pain go away sooner.”

Sam just nodded and closed his eyes again. Dean sat up stiffly and grabbed his phone this time. There were a few messages about parties he was invited too in the up and coming weekends, some were from previous girls and guys that he had hooked up with that thought they could have seconds, then there was one message left…one from Castiel.

He didn’t open it right away. His breath hitched as he dropped the phone and ran his fingers through his hair. He had told Cas that was wasn’t in a good place and didn’t wanna leave to his next birthday. He was terrified of what was written in that message. Cas could have apologized and explained why he didn’t reply back until then or flat out reject him and insult him and wish he was dead.

He picked up the phone off the ground and opened the message. _‘Dean, I’m so sorry…so sorry. I feel asleep, I didn’t think was going to be asleep all day. I’m so sorry Dean, I – I didn’t mean to leave you, I’m so sorry…’_ he had to stop reading for a moment. He realized that he wrongly assumed Cas’s thoughts. Fuck, he was so stupid. _‘I wasn’t ignoring you. I had just… I had just made my mom cry, and then Gabriel went off to who knows where. I walked in on my dad with some new blonde haired chick in the kitchen, and I just wanted it all to go away…I wanted to tell you before that I really cared about you, Dean…I’m so sorry I let you down…’_

He wiped his tears. He didn’t even know that he was crying until it was too late. Fuck you, Dean. You’re such an idiot. He thought to himself. “Yesterday was a bad day…I’m still not ok…I’m broken. Can we meet up somewhere in private?” He clicked send and put some clothes of and crawled out his window and brought two packs of cigarettes and opened one and started the first smoke.

He kept looking the window to watch Sam. John had probably gone to work so they were in the clear. If anything Dean could get in trouble for his smokes and booze. He phone buzzed, but he was hesitant to look at it. He felt bad. He had forced the blame on Cas. He assumed the worst and cas just merely fell asleep. Who could blame him? They hadn’t really slept that night. Just kinda stared into each others eye and occasionally kissed until 6 in the morning when they passed only to be woken up abruptly by John.

He opened the message from Cas. _‘Ok…we can meet somewhere. I’m sorry, again…’_

Dean closed his eyes and took a drag from his cigarette. He cleared his throat. “Meet me at the BlueJay Motel on 4th street.”

He stomped out his cigarette and climbed back into his before he clicked send. When he didn’t go to school he worked at the same garage John worked at. He worked on weekends and stole money from the guys and girls he hooked up with. That’s how he got his money. He read the messaged and pushed send. He grabbed the money and shoved it in his pocket and pulled on his favorite leather jacket and steel toed boots. He crouched down on the side of the bed and combed his fingers through Sam’s hair.

The boy flicked his eyes open. “Dean?”

“Hey, Sammy. I want you to rest today. I don’t want you to get up unless you have to pee. I have to go somewhere for a while. I’ll be home later tonight. Are you going to be ok?”

“Why are you leaving?” He whimpered.

“I fucked up yesterday. I have to make things right.” Dean rans his fingers through Sam’s hair again.

“Sorry I forgot your birthday.” Sam whispered with a tears rolling down his cheek.

“It’s ok, Sammy. It’s not your fault.” Dean wiped away the tear. “Get some rest. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Ok.” Sam closed his eyes again.

Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s hair once more before walking out of his room and closing the door quietly. He walked down the stairs and winced after every step. His back screamed at the movement. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom sitting at the kitchen table. “Morning, Mom.”

She looked up and smiled. “Good morning, Sweetheart. Why aren’t you at school?”

“Sammy wasn’t feeling good so I stayed with him. He’s ok just resting.” Dean pointed back. She smiled and nodded. “I was just gonna meet up with a friend for a little while.”

“You’re such a good brother to Sam.” She smiled. “You look good today.”

Dean didn’t know if she was ignoring the bag under his eyes, the bruise on his cheek bone and the cut on top or truly didn’t notice. She kissed his unharmed cheek before he left. He walked down the road before he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The nicotine in his lungs calmed him down. _Sam’s gonna be ok. You cleaned the lashes, you put Neosporin on them. He’s resting. Sam knows the routine. He’s gonna be fine for a few hours._

It took 20 minutes before the BlueJay Motel came into view. Dean’s nose was nice and pink with snot filling his sinuses. He saw the familiar face of Cas standing by the entrance to the front desk. Dean waved and jogged over to the guy as best as he could with his injured bac. Cas frowned at Dean’s bruised face. “Wait here, I’ll get us a room.”

Cas nodded while Dean popped in. The man at the counter flicked his eyes up to the 17 year old. “Can I help you?”

“I’d like a room.” Dean pulled out a wad of cash.

“How old are you?”

Dean pulled a 50 out of the wad. “About 50.”

The man nodded and handed him a key. “Room 7B, up the stairs at the end.”

“Thanks, man.” Dean nodded and walked out of the building and over to Cas. “7B.”

Cas started walking. “Dean, I’m sorry. Truly. When I got home things were bad and I just crashed. I didn’t think I would sleep the whole day away.”

“Stop. I don’t want hear it.” Dean replied harshly. “I didn’t ask to meet you for you to apologize. It’s not entirely your fault. I blamed you for my feeling of betrayal. I asked to meet you because I’m not ok. I just want to spend time with someone that isn’t my brother or one of my drunken friends. I want to be with you.”

“What happened after I left?” Cas watched Dean unlocked the motel door.

“Hell.” He walked into the room leaving it open for Cas to step inside. “It was rough and Sammy ended up getting the worst of it, because I had a moment of hesitation. I was a coward and stepped in too late.”

“Sam is your little brother?” Cas asked sitting down on the bed.

“Yeah, He’s 12. The boys got a mouth on him, but it’s my job to take the hits for him, because he’s still a kid.” Dean sat down beside Cas. “I’m sorry I sent those texts. When you didn’t respond back I started to panic. I have trouble with betrayal and thought I was just a pretty object to you and you had tossed me aside.”

“Never.” Cas answered without missing a beat. “I walked into my house and caught my Dad banging a young blonde. My mother caught me with my pocket knife and Gabe is figuring out new drugs.”

“I’ve been to this place many times with different hook ups and I know they have a mini bar in the fridge.” Dean walked over to the fridge and grabbed the assortment of alcohol and grabbed the strongest one and handed Cas another. “Here’s to fucked up families.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Cas opened the small bottle and tapped Dean’s bottle.

They drank all of it. Both of them had high alcohol tolerances and were only a little tipsy. They had been talking for over an hours without any alcohol. Dean could actually smile in front of Cas. “Did I already tell you that you have beautiful eyes?”

“Yeah, at the party.” Cas smiled and leaned closer to Dean.

Their lips touched gently. “Cas…”

“Yes, I want this too.”

“Good.” Dean pulled away and started taking off his jacket. Cas pulled off his navy blue sweat shirt. Cas’s pants and boxers slid off carefully after his shoes and socks. They revealed the fresh anger cuts on his thighs. The blue eyed man pulled off his shirt showing off his disfigured middle. Life scored a couple more points last night. Because of Dean.

Dean carefully took of his shoes and socks. Bending hurt, but he managed. As he pulled off his shirt and softly groan left his lips as the fabric rubbed against the open wounds. His pants and boxer briefs were next and soon the two teens were standing in front of each other naked.

Cas took a few steps forward and kissed Dean passionately. Cas crawled on the bed and stood on his knees waiting for Dean. He followed and tried his hardest to hide the injuries on his back. He failed. “Are you ok?”

“yeah, I’m fine.” Dean mumbled as he laid on his back.

Cas straddled him and kissed Dean’s neck. Dean bent his knees up as Cas got between Dean’s legs. “do you have any lube?”

“No, I guess you have to improvise.” Dean kept eye contact with Cas. He watched the man suck on his fingers then tease Dean’s awaiting hole. “Fuck.”

It was only one finger, but it was a surreal feeling. None of his other fucks were this gentle. Cas made sure everything was nice and slow and pleasant…enjoyable. Cas slid the second finger inside and Dean gasped. “You’re so tight, Dean. Haven’t bottomed in a while?”

“Haven’t fucked or been fucked in a while.” Dean gasped as an unexpected third finger was added. “Fuck.”

“I’m so ready to be inside you, Dean.” Cas smiled.

“Are you waiting for a formal invitation?” Dean whimpered as Cas pulled out his fingers. He watched Cas spit in his hand and lather the rock hard cock before pushing it slowly into Dean’s stretched entrance.

Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’s waist. Cas started off slow and steady. Dean draped his arms around Cas’s neck as the man kissed his every few seconds. Cas was searching for Dean’s prostate. It was quiet in the room. Only the little bit of sound of the bed rocking to the pace of Cas’s thrusts and the breathing from the two teens filled the room.

Cas started to thrust harder and faster, but wasn’t so gentle at the same time. Dean threw his head back and noticed that it was getting painful as his body rubbed back forth on the bed, aggravating his back. He swallowed the pain and stared at Cas.

“Fuck, Cas.” Dean moaned as Cas hit his prostate suddenly.

“That’s what I was looking for.”

“Took you long enough.” Dean smiled and kissed Cas’s lips and bit the man’s bottom lip. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to tug slightly. The pace was fast and steady, but gentle. Dean grew harder and harder with every thrust. Every time Cas managed to hit his prostate he withered. His whole body spasmed and sweat slid from his hairline to the mattress. Cas’s body glistened. The sweat seemed to enhance the man’s blue eyes. They were glowing bright.

Dean was leaking precome as Cas sped up some more. He felt Cas suck a hickey onto Dean’s neck and bite at his shoulder as Dean’s dug his nails into Cas’s back. The man looked back up at Dean and hit Dean’s prostate harder than the other times. Dean lost it and shot his load with a loud moan. It was the best orgasm he had ever had, and he had had a lot. His toes curled and his back stiffened as come shot up onto Cas’s chest. During this ordeal he watched Cas stiffen and spasm. Cas’s eyes rolled back in his head for a second as he felt Cas’s come inside him.

Cas laid down beside Dean on the bed. It was nothing but the sound of pants from the two boys. They both turned their head to each other and Cas leaned in for a kiss and Dean accepted it. Cas got up and cleaned off his chest with a wet hand towel and cleaned Dean up as well.

Dean started to sit up when he felt immediately that parts of the bedsheets were sticking to the open wounds. He closed his eyes and quickly yanked himself up into sitting position when Cas wasn’t looking. The blue eyed beauty walked over to Dean and sat in front of him and kissed him.

“That was great.” Dean smiled softly.

“Thanks.” Cas smirked.

Dean lightly punched Cas’s shoulder. “Shut up. I mean it, Cas. That was probably the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“I’d have to say that same.” Cas nodded. “I just wanna sleep now.”

“Agreed.” Dean smirked and watched the boy crawl under the sheet and he followed. Cas laid on his back and Dean curled up at Cas’s side draping his arm over Cas’s middle over the fresh cuts. He bent his knee over Cas’s thighs and laid his head on Cas’s chest. It was calming, being able to hear Cas’s heartbeat right in his ear.

He felt Cas wrap his arm around Dean and begin to comb his fingers through his hair. Almost was if Cas was purposely avoiding Dean’s lashes. It was comfortable. This was definitely a first. Dean never cuddled with his hook ups. Cas was different. He liked that. It made him forget about what he goes home to. Cas was his happy place.

_******* _


	11. Different

 

            Cas looked at Dean that morning as he sleep. His eyes were closed, his hair was crazy, and he seemed so sweet and calm. They had woken up almost exactly the same way they had feel asleep. Dean was cuddled close to him, with Cas’s hand wrapped around Dean’s shoulder. It hurt to move. He went a bit crazy the night before.

            Sighing, he tries to sit up without waking Dean. He knew Dean was trying to hide all of his wounds and scars, but Cas knew about it; or at least he could put the puzzle pieces together. It was obvious to him. Dean and his brother had an abusive dad, maybe even mom; Cas didn’t know.

            But he did know that when he walked out that day, that Sam was getting whipped, and that Dean got the aftermath. Although Dean did well at trying to hide his pain, Cas could see through it, and for once Castiel wanted to help.

            The wounds that laid across Dean’s back were hard not to see. Cas knew that Dean didn’t want to talk about it. Cas’s own cuts he didn’t want to talk about. In fact, he didn’t know if he’d ever have the guts to talk about it to Dean. Dean was just _different._

Dean was so gentle with him and so kind after getting to know him better. He made love to him, not rough, sloppy fucking. Castiel didn’t know how he even felt about it. No one ever cared for Cas and out of nowhere, some random guy is by his side. It was hard to think that it was real life.

            That was until he heard movement from beside him, and feeling a kiss on the cheek. “Hey, go back to sleep with me.” Dean’s voice was hoarse as he touched Cas’s shoulder, actually smiling. The fact that Dean wanted Cas to stay made him want to cry. Everyone always asked when he was leaving or even kicked him out after a bad fucking.

            “Sorry, I just realized that we slept all day and I didn’t know if you…” Cas trailed off not wanting to let Dean know he was pretty much a sex addict. He could know about the cuts, but he’d leave for sure if he knew about the sexual addiction.

            Dean wraps his arm around Cas, looking at the clock. “It’s only 6 o’clock. We can sleep a little longer.”

            Castiel nodded, watching Dean lay down on his side. He joined him, cuddling into him into his head was in the nook of his shoulder. His lips found their way up his neck; he couldn’t help it. “Cas…” Dean hummed, when he began sucking on a sweet spot.

            Dean moved his head so that he was looking at Cas and so that Cas was looking at him. Castiel could feel the blood rush to his face, looking into the emerald green eyes. “Are you blushing?” Dean asks which only makes it worse.

            Hiding his face in Dean’s chest Cas shakes his head. Dean’s hand rubbed against his sides, making his breath hitch in bits of pain. Some of the cuts were still open, and raw, while other ones had scabbed over. “Cas, look at me.” Dean chuckles a bit, seeming brighter than Cas had ever seen him. He looked up at Dean, his cheeks still dark pink.

            “I think it’s cute.” Dean smirks, and kisses Cas on the lips. He smiles as he kisses back, wrapping his arm around Dean, being able to feel him tense whenever he got close to a lash. Dean hands rubbed down Cas’s ass, almost cupping it in his hands. 

            Castiel decides to deepen the kiss, but to his luck, Dean pulls away. Maybe they had just had sex, but Castiel just felt like he needed to do something to make this whole thing feel real. He had nothing to cut with, so sex was his other option. And of course if Dean didn’t want that, then it was no longer an option.

            The boy next to Cas got out of the bed, still naked and pulled out a few smokes. “You sure you don’t want any?”

            Cas nodded, “I don’t like to do anything like that…Sorry.”

            “You do you. I’ll do me.” Dean shrugs, taking his lighter out of his jean pocket on the floor. Cas wondered how much Dean smoked or even drunk. For him to only be a bit tipsy like Cas after drinking all those drinks, he’d have to drink a lot. But how much?

            Castiel’s phone on the floor buzzed, making him get out of the bed and get it. It was Gabriel. ‘ _Help. Me.’_  It read. Castiel frowns and starts to put on his boxers. “Where are you going?” Dean questions, looking almost scared. “I’m – I’m sorry. It’s my brother he just sent a text saying he needs help.”

            The other boy nods and looks at the ground as if thinking about his own brother. “I probably should go check on mine too. Do you think Gabe, is in trouble?” Dean asks, seeming generally worried. Cas sighed, “He’s always in trouble.”

            Cas and Dean got dressed and ready within 5 minutes, and checked out. “I’ll text you when I know what’s going on.” Cas says to Dean who nods, and kisses Cas on the cheek. He seemed in more of a rush than Cas. “Bye Cas.”

            “Bye Dean.” Cas waved as he walked to his mother’s car that she never used, and drove home. When he got to his house he noticed that no cars where in the driveway. Did their mother take Gabe’s car?

            Cas walked into the house, and everything is quiet. “Gabriel?” He yells across the house. He hears screaming after that from his brother’s room which he rarely went into. When he finally got to the room and instantly a remote is thrown at him; luckily missing.

            “Gabriel, what the fu—“

            “CASTIEL, SHUT AND LOCK THE DOOR!” Gabe yells, seeming to be out of breath. “Okay okay!” Cas puts his hands up in defense, using one to shut and lock the door.

            “Gabriel, why did I need to shut and lock the door?” Cas asks, getting closer to Gabriel, seeing his nose bleeding once again. “CAN’T YOU HEAR IT?!”

            “What am I supposed to be hearing?”

            “THE SIRENS, CASSIE. THEY’RE COMING TO GET ME! CAN’T YOU HEAR IT?” Gabriel cries out, and as Cas looked closer he realized that his brother was being 100% serious. He was sobbing, shaking in the corner of his room. The only problem was that there were no sirens, and that everything was quiet.

            “Gabriel, there is no sirens, calm down.”

            “I CAN HEAR THEM TALKING, CASSIE! HELP ME CASSIE!” Gabriel sobbed, as if he was a small child. Cas rushed over in confusion, and wrapped Gabriel in his arms. He flinched and tried to get out of his little brother’s grip, but soon clung onto him like a toy. “CASSIE, THEY’RE COMING IN THE HOUSE, I CAN HEAR EM.”

            Cas looked around Gabe’s room as he held him tight. “It’s all okay, Gabe. Ssssh…” Cas was scared himself, and had so many questions. This wasn’t pot, or alcohol; this was something different.

Then Castiel saw it. Suddenly, everything was clear, and all his questions were answered by 3 simple items; a straw, a dollar bill, and an empty plastic bag.


	12. Devils Threesome

Dean walked down the road. He was finishing off the last of the first pack of cigarettes. As he neared the house he saw that John’s car, Dean’s beloved 67 Impala was in the driveway. He walked down the driveway and stomped out his last cig and stepped into the house.

Mom was sitting on the couch reading. “Hey, Mom.”

“Hello, sweetheart. Your father is home. He just went up to check on Sammy.” She smiled.

Dean frowned. “I’ll go check on them.” He kissed her cheek and walked up the steps. He had just reached the top of the stairs when he watched John drag Sam out of his room.

Sam was crying. John was dragging him on the ground with his back touching the carpet. Sam was miserable and in immense amount of pain. “Sammy boy, shut up or you’re in for another whipping.”

“Dad, stop it. Sam is hurt. He’s in pain. He didn’t do anything.” Dean got in front of John. “Let him go.”

“I thought I told you about that bossing me around, solider.” John pointed a finger into Dean’s chest.

Dean puffed out his chest. “You’re hurting Sammy. You did a number on him yesterday. He hasn’t done anything wrong, if anybody should be punished it’s me.”

John dropped Sam’s arm and the boy curled up on his side and sobbed. John stared at Dean. “It’s not your place to tell me what to do, boy. It’s your job to do as I say when I say it. Understand me, soldier?”

“Yes, sir.” Dean nodded. He watched his father make his way down stairs. “Sammy?”

“Dean…” Sam sobbed.

Dean carefully pulled Sam into his arms and stood with Sam in his arms. His arms wrapped under Sam’s butt and Sam wrapped his arms around his neck and around his waist and sobbed into Dean’s shoulder. “Shh, shhh, Sammy. You’re ok. I’m going to lay you down in your bed.”

“Don’t leave me, Dean.”

“I won’t, Sammy.” Dean entered his little brother’s bedroom. “I’m not going to leave you, ever.”

Once Sam was asleep he started walking towards his room. He heard John speaking from upstairs. Had he come up when he was with Sam? He walked towards his parents bedroom, the door was shut and locked. He pressed his ear to the door and listened.

“You just sat and listened to our oldest son tell me what to do for the second time in two days. What side are you on? You know that this house is a democracy. I am in charge.”

“I’m on your side, John. I’m always on your side, baby.” Dean heard his mother cry.

There was a loud slap. “It doesn’t seem like it because you let him do whatever he wants.”

“I’m sorry, John.” There was another slap. “You’re in charge, baby. I will be more stern with Dean.”

Dean heard another slap and mumbled words from his mother, her muffled cries. “The boy blames me for Sam getting hurt. Sammy earned that punishment.”

Mary was sobbing. “It wasn’t your fault, John. You did what you had to do.”

“Bend over, bitch. I’m gonna fuck you until you scream. I don’t care who hears.” John spoke loud and clear.

Dean covered his mouth with his hand and stepped away from the door. He ran into his room and quietly closed the door and slide down the frame. He brought his knees to his face and let tears fall down his face. The panic of his mother taking the hit for him and Sam distracted him from the pain in his back. Mary was brainwashed by John into thinking that what he had done was right.

He got up and climbed out his window and opened the pack of cigarettes and lit on and took a long deep drag. He held his breath for a while and let the smoke escape his nostrils. He fished his phone out of his pocket. He was still waiting on a text from Cas.

He looked through some of the other messages. There was gonna be a party tonight at Benny’s. What the Hell? He could use a drink or twelve. He lit another cigarette and breathed in the poison. He was running low on smokes, he should go buy some more before heading over to Benny’s.

He climbed over the roof and head down the road. He felt his phone buzz. It was from Cas. _‘Everything is ok. Gabe just got himself into a pickle and needed my help.’_

Dean smiled. “Help your brother, don’t worry about me. I’m just gonna head to a party with a friend of mine. Will I see you tomorrow?” He texted back.

After a 30 minute walk he reached the closest gas station and grabbed three new packs the cheapest cigarettes. By the time he reached Benny’s house the party had already started and there were plenty of people there. His crowd. He stepped through the front door and searched for the southern hick. It didn’t take long the redneck was sitting on the couch with his girlfriend Andrea.

He walked over to the couple and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s up, man?”

Benny beamed a smiled. “Hey brother. I wasn’t expecting you to show, since you know we said some hurtful thing at the last party.”

“I was drunk, you were just trying to be nice and I was an ass. Hey Andrea.”

“Hey, Dean.” She smiled and traced figure eights on Benny’s shoulder. “Are you gonna ask him, Darlin?”

“Ask me what?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Well, Dean, Andrea want me, her and you to have a devil’s threesome.” Benny cleared his throat. “You know when there is two gu—“

“Ben, I know what a Devil’s threesome is. I’m Bi and had many devil threesomes.” Dean smirked. “Sure, sounds fun.”

“That’s great, come on.” Andrea jumped off the couch.

“Right now?” Dean blinked.

Andrea smiled. “Of course silly. That’s not a problem, is it?”

“Oh know it’s fine. I just thought you would have given me a heads up, before jumping in.” Dean smirked.

Benny rose from the couch. Andrea ran up the stairs to clear out Benny’s bedroom. Benny placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, I just wanted to let you know that what’s gonna happen between you, me and Andrea is just for fun. You’re my best friend, but I don’t like you in that kinda way.”

“I understand, Ben. No strings attached, no homo threesome.” Dean climbed the stairs. “Should I tell you that this aint my first rodeo, partner?”

Benny and Dean stepped into the bedroom and shut and locked the door. “So, Dean, me and Andrea have never done something like this…how do you get started?”

“Easy.” Dean smirked as he stripped off his leather jacket, flannel and faded Aerosmith shirt. Andrea was sitting on the bed and he crawled behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulder and kissed her neck. He helped the lady out of her shirt and bra. He cupped her breast and ran his thumb over each nipple and kissed her shoulder and neck.

“Come on, Benny.” She let her head fall onto Dean’s shoulder.

“Help your girl out of her shirt and panties.” Dean propped against the bedpost and Andrea slotted herself between his legs. Dean’s hand over fondled her nice sized breasts. Benny walked over to the two and slipped off Andrea’s skirt and then her pink lacy panties. “Why don’t you get naked?”

Dean always considered started a threesome as the most awkward part of the thing. Especially, when it’s a devils threesome and the other guy is one of your best friends and the girl is his girlfriend. Andrea had Dean lay on his back while she straddled him. She kissed him on the lip and rubbed her hands down his fit torso. He ran his fingers through Andrea’s hair and flicked open his eyes to find Benny lurking above them with his hands on Andrea’s hips.

Benny must have started to finger Andrea when she gasped inside his mouth. Dean knew that Benny wasn’t the one for the threesome, but he should know that once it gets started he needs to let him and Andrea what they can and can’t do. Dean thought this wasn’t going to be very enjoyable for him because Benny was gonna be breathing down his neck.

At least that’s what he thought. He felt Benny grab his dick and rolled a condom on top. “Safety first, brother.”

“What are you talking bout, Ben?” Dean said between kisses from Andrea.

Andrea sat up and Benny grabbed Dean’s cock and guided it inside Andrea. He moaned loudly and threw her head back onto Benny’s shoulder. The two southerners kissed before she turned back to Dean. “Dean, I have wanted to get my hands on you for years.”

“You’ve been dating Benny since 7th grade…” Dean panted as she rose his cock hard.

“What can I say you make me pussy wet and Benny gives me butterflies in my stomach.” She moaned as she placed a kissed to Dean’s lips. “I have been trying to get Benny to do this with me for months. I had to threaten him that I’d do it by myself without him.”

“Fuck.” Dean about went cross eyed when she sped up the pace. “Benny are you gonna join in at all?”

“I’m just fine watching Andrea fuck herself on you.”

“Come on, I’ll suck your dick to get you off. You can fuck me in the ass while I fuck your girl if you feel fancy.” Dean fondled Andrea’s breast some more.

“I don’t swing that way, brother.” Benny shook his head.

“You never know until you try. I’ll try anything once.” Dean sat up until Andrea and him were chest to chest. She bounced roughly in his lap. She was moaning loudly. Dean’s cock must have been hitting her g-spot. Benny walked around and got behind Dean and turned his head and placed a kissed to Dean’s lips. Dean deepened the kiss and snaked his tongue inside. Benny tasted like a nice mix of beer and liquor.

Benny started to grind his cock in between Dean’s buttcheeks. Dean flipped Andrea on her back and began to fuck her hard as Benny slip a finger into Dean’s ass. Now they’re cooking with gas. Dean grunted and kissed Andrea hard. “Yes, yes, oh Dean, Benny.” Andrea moaned.

Three fingers and then Benny had his thick length guiding his way into Dean’s ass. Benny dug his nail into Dean’s ass cheek and plunged in. Dean kissed down Andrea’s chest and caught her nip in his mouth and rolled the nub between his teeth. She moaned and ran her finger’s through Dean’s hair.

“Damn, brother, you were right. Your ass feels just like Andrea’s pussy.” Benny moaned.

“Glad I could be of assistance.” Dean moaned as Benny scraped his prostate.

Andrea was the first to orgasm, then Dean, and Benny came in last. Andrea curled up and Dean’s side and benny on her other side. “You were right, Dean. I was missing out on threesomes.”

“I told you, man. They are euphoric.” Dean panted. “If y’all ever wanna do it again, don’t be afraid to ask me.”

“Oh we will.” Andrea smiled as she watched Dean get dressed again.

“I’m gonna get drunk then head home. I had a great time.” Dean saluted the southern couple.

Benny smirked. “Thanks for doing this, brother.”

Dean walked down the stairs. He frowned. Yeah, it was good sex. Yeah, he came. Yeah, it totally was freak hot sex, but he didn’t enjoy it. Nothing truly turned him on about it. Sure, he would do it again, because Andrea was fucking hot and Benny was his best friend, but he just didn’t feel anything. He walked into the kitchen and drank a couple beer, did over a dozen shots, then finished off the night with a mix of vodka and beer and stumbled his way down the road.

He managed to light a cigarette. Damn, he needed one after the sex he had had. He pulled his phone out and saw Cas had texted him back sometime during the steamy threesome. _‘Oh You will see me tomorrow. I promise. Be careful.’_

Dean smirked and took a drag from the cig and blew the smoke out his nose. He stumbled as he walked. Glad he didn’t drive. He took another drag and stomped out the smoke on the asphalt and began to type a message to Cas, before he lit his next smoke. “Fuck, Cas. Haha, just had an amazing threesome. Like damn, this girl was smokin…the other dude…meh…Benny’s a close friend. I’m a good friend, but fuck that girl is loud. Had to drink like a d’zen shots and lots of beer…The sex was nothin compared to being fucked by you, haha, I loved being fucked by you. You’re great.”

_******* _


	13. Prove it

“LET ME GO!” Gabriel shouted, wiggling in his younger brother’s grip. It had been hours of the same thing, over and over again. Gabe would think the cops were after him, and then he’d try to get out of Cas’s grip.

            “I’m not letting you go Gabe. You can beg all you want. I’m staying here until you fall asleep.” Cas rubbed his eyes at the thought of sleep. He hadn’t slept since he came back from being with Dean. The night sky didn’t help any of the sleep desperation.

            “I can’t!” Gabriel cried out, putting his hands to his face. This was new.

            “Yes, you can just close your eyes.” Cas says, brushing one of his hands through his older brother’s longer hair.

            “No, I can’t!” Gabe yelled at Cas, literally scratching at his eyes. Castiel grabbed his hands and watched as his brother screamed. “LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

            “Gabriel, please just close your eyes…” Castiel sighed. He was getting scared of Gabriel like he would when his mother was really drunk and depressed. “I can’t sleep Cassie, I can’t.” Gabe cried. It was so sudden.

            Cas shook his head, and hummed a song to his brother; a song that their parents would sing them before bed when they were very little. Gabriel lets his head fall back onto Cas as tears fell from his bright eyes. “There you go. Just close your eyes.” Cas smiles, letting one of his hands sweep through the thin, blonde hair.

            Once it became morning and Gabriel was finally asleep, just as Castiel wanted to be. But he had promised Dean that he was going to see him the next day, before receiving the very drunken text from him. It was very flattering none the less.

            Cas picks his brother up, barely and puts him into his bed, sighing. He was so tired. It was as if yawns were happening ever minute or so. ‘ _Still want me over, or are you too hung-over, huh?’_ Castiel smiled as he sent the text message to Dean.

            Surprisingly, Dean messaged back almost instantly as if he was waiting for Cas to text him.

            _Dean: ‘ 1. Yes. 2. I’m not_ too _hung-over, just hung-over.’_

            Castiel didn’t know why that amount of sass made him smile, but it did. If it came from his brother, he’d be rolling his eyes and flipping the bird, but Dean was different. Cas couldn’t tell why he was so special; unique.

            The 20 minute walk to Dean’s house didn’t seem too long, certainly after seeing Dean sitting on the front porch. Cas dashed to the porch, and instantly sat in Dean’s lap, slamming his lips into Dean’s.

            After drawing back, Dean is wide-eyed and Cas starts blushing. “Well, hello to you too.” Dean chuckles and pecks Cas back.

 “Sorry, I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I do, but,”

“Cas?”

“Yes?” He tilts his head to the side, looking at Dean, still bright red.

 “Shut up.” His grin is charming, almost reminding him of his brother’s. Most have been the clever and snarky tone.

“Ya know, for you to be hung-over, you don’t seem… well, hung-over.” Cas states, smirking. Dean bites his somewhat swollen lip, and nods. “I told you I wasn’t _that_ hung-over. I’m not a fuckin’ light weight.”

Castiel nods, leaning his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I believed you. I just figured it be a lot worse from the text last night.”

“What text..?” Dean asks, in a more serious tone then Cas would have thought would come from him. “You don’t remember? I can read it to you.” Castiel gives a snarky smile, and gets out his phone. “Son of a bitch…” Dean mumbles.

 _“Fuck, Cas. Haha, just had an amazing threesome. Like damn, this girl was smokin…the other dude…meh…Benny’s a close friend. I’m a good friend, but fuck that girl is loud. Had to drink like a d’zen shots and lots of beer…The sex was nothin compared to being fucked by you, haha, I loved being fucked by you. You’re great.”_ Cas reads, loving the bright red blooming from Dean’s cheeks.

“Well, I wasn’t lying.” Dean chuckles. The cold air could be seen after escaping his lips. Cas shakes his head, “ _Sure_.” Cas rolls his eyes, lifting his head from Dean’s shoulder. “Really Cas, I’m serious.” Dean said, wrapping his arm back around Cas’s waist. It made his shirt rub against his fresher cuts, but it didn’t matter. He needed the pain anytime he could.

“I’m sorry. I just highly doubt that.” Cas gives a half-ass smile to Dean who isn’t laughing at all.

“I guess,” Dean tilted his head, his lips almost touching Cas’s ear as he whispered, “I guess, I’ll just have to prove it to you.” Chills went down Cas’s body as Dean nibbled at the top of his ear.

“And, how are you going to do that?” Cas asks.

“Follow me and I’ll show you.” Dean smirks, getting up and off the porch to the side of the house. “Why here?”

“No one ever looks or comes over here.” Dean says rubbing his hands down Cas’s hips as he pushes him gently against the house. His lips crashed into Cas’s, starting with a deep and loving kiss. They were open mouthed, sucking noises slipping through.

Dean rolled his hips up and down Cas’s, letting light moans fall off his lips. He leaned his head back against the wall of the home. The cool air coming from outside didn’t even make a different from the heat coming from them.

Dean dropped to his knees, slowly unzipping Cas’s pants. “Dean, fuck—“

Cas panted as Dean slipped his hands down Cas’s boxers, pulling out his hardened one. There was no time to take it in, because Dean tongue was already making a trail on the bottom side of his cock.

“Uh, oh God, Dean…” He closed his eyes, and balled his hand into Dean’s hair. It was not a sloppy blowjob at all. As soon as Dean’s lips wrapped around his cock, Castiel felt he was on the top of the world. It was one of the best sex highs he had been on and it wasn’t even actual sex.

“Dean fuck—“ He usually lasted a lot longer than he was going to. Dean moaned onto of his dick, pushing Cas over the edge as he came into his mouth. “Oh God…”

 Dean swallowed it all. Castiel was tired and the orgasm didn’t help. Before Dean could come back up from zipping up his pants, Cas was asleep against the wall.


	14. Fireball

“Cas, wake up.” Dean lightly patted his cheek. “It’s too cold to sleep out here, you’ll freeze.”

“Wha—“ Cas blinked awake. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t know my blow jobs were that good.” Dean smiled. He watched Cas show his pearl whites and rub his eyes.

“Oh they are.” Cas answered and placed his hands on Dean’s hips and pulled him in. “How about we take this someone warmer?”

Dean groaned. “I would love that, but I can’t. My Dad is home.”

“Then I guess we have to be quiet.” Cas kissed Dean.

“I’m not saying you can’t come up into my room, but we just can’t fuck.” Dean pulled away from Cas. “Come on, maybe later we could go to your place and fuck till we’re purple.”

Cas nodded and the stepped through the front door. Dean lead Cas directly to the stairs. “Dean, sweetheart?”

“Yes, Mom.” Dean stepped back and towards the living room.

“Is there someone with you?”

“Yes, Mom, this is my friend, Castiel. We are going to be hanging out in my room.”

“Alright, it’s nice to meet you, Castiel.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Winchester.” Cas nodded and looked at Dean and they climbed the stairs.

Dean searched the hallway before heading down to his room. He grabbed Cas’s wrist and jogged into his room and quietly shut the door. “Can you wait here for a moment? I have to check on my brother, Sam, really fast.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Cas nodded.

Dean stepped out of the room and shut the door and headed towards Sam’s room, but was stopped before then. “In my office, soldier.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let me list the things that you have fucked up.” John rotated his chair so he could look at Dean. “First, you come home sticking drunk. Second, you are smelled of smoke and booze. Third, you still reek of cigarettes and alcohol. Fourth, you brought a friend over without telling me first. Fifth,--“ John paused. “Should I continue, Dean?”

“No, sir.” Dean spoke just loud enough.

John rose to his feet. He stepped over to Dean and wrapped his fingers around Dean’s neck. “I should ring your neck.” He squeezed.

Dean grabbed John’s wrist and quickly panted through his nose. “Dad…”

“You do everything in your power to rebel against me when I’m the person who gives you food, shelter, raised.” He squeezed just hard enough that Dean had to work for air in his lung. “You are a worthless, piece of filth that doesn’t deserve anything you have. Don’t ever forget that you are the reason your mother is the way she is. You almost cost her, her life with that fire that you caused. She almost died.”

“Dad, please…” Dean rasped.

“You’re a waste of oxygen.”

“Dad…”

John let go and Dean collapsed to the ground coughing and panting. The father got down on his toes and slapped Dean across the face. “You’re lucky I let you stay in this house and eat my food.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean coughed.

“Get out of my office.” John growled.

Dean quickly pulled himself to his feet and scrambled out of the room and into the bathroom. He coughed as he planted his hands on the counter. He looked at himself in the mirror. Already a light bruise was forming on his neck.

He forced himself out of the bathroom and into Sam’s room. “Sammy?” He rasped.

“Yeah?” Sam looked up. “Fuck, Dean, what happened?”

“What do you think?” Dean rolled his eyes. “Dad.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I was just making sure you fine.” Dean nodded.

Sam stared at Dean. “Dad hasn’t done anything today to me.”

“Good, just stay in here and do as he says, please.” Sam nodded and Dean headed back to his room. He opened the door and Cas had jumped from the entrance. “I’m guessing you heard some of that?”

“Dean, are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Dean searched his room for his lighter and cigarette. “Could definitely go for a cigarette or 24.”

“What just happened?” Cas walked over to Dean.

“Jackpot.” Dean grabbed an unopened pack of smokes. “I’ve stuck gold.”

He opened his window and crawled out and Cas followed. “Dean, what just happened? Your neck is bruising and swelling.”

Dean cleared his throat before opening the pack and pulling out a cigarette and lit it. He took a long drag with his eyes closed. “My Dad is a big military style father. He is big on child discipline and isn’t afraid to punish his kids.”

“but whatever he did isn’t discipline.”

“Yes, it is. I messed up. I was at fault so I had to be punished. My Dad had to put me back into my place…that’s his job; to keep his family in order.” Dean said without blinking then inhale the poison of his smoke. “It was nothing that I didn’t deserve.”

“Dean…”

“You know what treats a hang over?” Dean interrupted Cas. “More alcohol.” Cas blinked at Dean while he stomped out his cigarette and climbed back into his room and grabbed a hidden bottle of cinnamon whiskey. “Ha, I was lucky enough to this out of Benny house last night…or at least I think so. I woke up this morning and it was in my jacket pocket, the seal was unbroken and it’s all mine now.”

“Oh—“ Cas blinked at Dean.

“This stuff is great. The whiskey has a kick and then they added the kick of cinnamon. This is probably one of my favorite. It’s called _Fireball._ Try some. I’ll even let you have the first swig.” Dean passed the bottle to Cas, but the guy didn’t take it. “What’s the matter? The stuff is great. I’m not lying.”

“I don’t think you should be drinking.” Cas frowned.

“I’m not asking I should be drinking. I’m asking if you want any.” Dean raised an eyebrow. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just means more for me.”

“I’m good, but thanks.” Cas shook his head.

“Not a problem.” Dean shrugged and ripped off the lid and took long pull of the strong liquid. He shook his head. “Whoa! That’s the stuff.”

“How does your neck feel?”

Dean rolled his neck. “Fan-fucking-tastic.” He took another swig before setting the bottle on the window seal and lighting another cigarette. “What really stung was when he popped me in the face. Do I have a handprint on my cheek?”

“No, I don’t see anything. Dean, You said you went to check on you brother, Sam. Was Sam ok?” Cas asked trying to change the topic.

Dean took another swig of the whiskey. He was just embarrassed that Cas noticed the bruises, and heard John. He wanted to get drunk, but it wasn’t that fun if Cas wasn’t gonna do it as well, but he was past the point of caring but the fourth swig. “Sammy’s alright. He got whipped worse than I did the other day. He had to miss a few days of school. Sammy never misses school, he’s a goody two shoes.”

Dean took another long shot of Fireball and Cas took the bottle. “Dean, I think you have had enough. That was your fifth big shot.”

“I don’t tell you how to live your life, bucko.” Dean snarled and yanked the bottle back and down three more gulps. “I don’t stop you from slicing up your arm, legs and torso.”

Cas frowned. “How about we go to my place?”

“If I can take my Fireball and smokes.” Dean gripped the bottle by the neck.

“As long as you calm down on the drinking, please.”

Dean carefully climbed down the ladder after he closed the window and waited for Cas. He didn’t think he was that drink because he got off the roof effortlessly. He was wrong. He couldn’t walk straight if he was pressed between two straight boards. He took another swig of the bottle and put a cap on it. At one point Cas wrapped an arm around his waist as Dean stumbled along the sidewalk.

“Do you ever get creative when you cut? Like write words or draw pictures?” Dean mumbled. Cas was silent. “Have you tasted your own blood before? Like when you do it have you ever like licked some of the blood with your tongue?”

“I think someone is gonna be even more hungover than today.” Cas remarked.

“Do you keep a count of how many you have on each limb? Like make sure you have an even number divide amongst all limbs?” Dean took another swig of the Fireball. He smiled and laughed. “Or is it like a left verse right side game?”

Cas helped Dean up the porch steps into the house after taking the light cigarette out of Dean’s hands and stomping it out on the ground. “Ok, no more Fireball for you.”

“But I want it…” Dean whined. He stumbled in place. _‘Maybe it was a good thing Cas took his alcohol away.’_ He couldn’t see straight and if he was logically drunk he would have never left the house with Cas and should have just passed out on his bed and went to sleep to be tortured by a massive handover the next morning. But Dean was getting plastered and loving it. He stared at Cas and cupped the guy’s face. “You’re very pretty.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas tried to pry Dean off.

“I mean like really pretty.”

“You smell like booze, cinnamon, and smoke.” Cas remarked.

“Damn, I forgot my cigarette outside.” Dean frowned.

“Yeah, I put it out for you.” Cas answered calmly. Dean frowned and looked around. “Come on, let’s get upstairs.”

“Cas, you’re pretty.” Dean repeated as he stumbled up the stairs.

“Thank you, Dean.”

**_***_ **


	15. Caring

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist as Cas tried to get him onto the bed to rest. “Let’s fuck, Cas.” Dean mumbled, kissing at his neck and yanking at his belt loop.

“Dean, you’re drunk. I’m not gonna take advantage of that.” Cas calmly pushed Dean onto the bed as he walked towards the door. “It’s taking advantage of me if I want it.” Dean winked at Cas, getting back off the bed trying to follow Castiel.

“Dean, I’ll be right back. I need to check on Gabriel.” Cas gave an almost annoyed face to the man in front of him, who was drunk of his ass. “But – but you have my Fireball.”

“I do, and you can have back if you stay in here until I get back.” Cas smirked, opening and shutting the door behind him. With a giant sigh, he starts walking towards his brother’s room where he immediately worried. “Gabriel?” Cas shouts.

The door was wide open, with ideas scattered across the whole room. A chair was broken, and seemed to be thrown against the wall, along with what seemed to be an old plate. “Gabe, are you in here?” Cas asked, walking and looking around the room.

It looked like a tornado had come through the room and sucked up half the things his brother had. Although, there was stuff thrown everywhere it still seemed so empty. It was obvious his brother was not there.

“Why Gabe..?” Cas asks more to himself. He wants to throw up, cry, and curl up in a ball because he didn’t stay with his brother. How long had he been doing this? The straw, the dollar, and even the bag were gone from the room. It scared Castiel more than his brother being missing, because he knew what he was doing.

Sighing, he walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t want to even look at it. All he wanted to do was grab the knife from his bedroom and get his mind off of all of it. But Dean was there.

‘ _Wait, Dean’s **is** here.’_ Cas thinks to himself, eyes wide with addiction withdraw. Practically running into the door of his bedroom, he opens it to find Dean on his bed with his head tilted back against the headboard. One hand gripping Cas’s bed sheets, the other in his pants.

The drunken man opened his eyes, and gave an open-mouthed gasp. “I couldn’t wait for you Cas.” Dean said, biting down on his bottom lip as he thrusts into his hand.

“You don’t have to anymore.” Cas hums, throwing off his shirt and jumping onto the bed. “I thought you said –“

“I don’t care what I said. Just please fuck me, Dean Winchester.” Cas says, getting on the top of Dean to get his clothes off. “Now you’re talking!” Dean grins as he fails at getting Cas’s pants off.

Castiel strips them both down, lying on his side to get the lube. Dean grabs the lube and sits it down at the end of the bed. “What are you doing, Dean?” Cas laughs, actually having some fun with himself.

“I wanna try something.” He slurs, “show me your pretty little ass.”

“Like this?” Cas smirks, getting on his knees and raising his ass in the air. He buried his face into the pillow. He could practically hear the smile from Dean’s face. “You’re very pretty.”

“I’m glad I’m still pretty with my ass in your face.” Cas smirked, feeling Dean start to kiss at his cheeks, and play with his balls.

“Yes Dean! Oh – fuck!” Cas shouts as soon as he feels something smooth and wet touch the curves of his anus. “My fucking – fuck!” Cas feels pleasure leaking into his body and going through his blood. He was tongue fucking him, which Cas had never felt before.

Dean’s hand moved to Cas’s hard cock, rubbing his thumbs against the head. “Dean fuck me!” Cas moans, wanting more. Cas turns himself over and lays on his back, grabbing the lube from the bottom of the bed. With his own fingers he got himself ready for Dean’s dick.

Dean smiles and crashes his mouth into Cas’s with sloppy open-mouthed kisses. Cas runs his hands down Dean’s back, gripping his ass as Dean grabs the lube, shakily. Once his cock was all lubed up he slowly eases it into Castiel.

“Uh…” Cas hums as Dean starts to thrust his hips. The bed rocked and Castiel stopped caring if there was anyone else in the house. “Harder, please!” He yelled, gripping at the back of Dean’s neck. Dean grunted as he sped up, locking his lips with Cas’s.

“Fuck—Dean!” Cas shouts, as the pace gets evener with each breath. Soon, Dean arches his back and groans as he comes into Castiel. “Ah!” Cas shouts, as he comes onto his own chest. “F-fuck!” He mumbles, as Dean falls over beside him.

“You’re damn right.” Dean huffed out, placing a kiss on Cas’s shoulder. The room filled with silence, as Cas grabbed his bed sheets and placed them onto top of him and Dean. He could have sworn that Dean had fallen asleep with his head on Cas’s shoulder, but he didn’t. His eyes were open, looking at the cuts going up and down his chest and arms.

“Cas?” Dean said. Castiel looked down at the man next to him who seemed two seconds away from falling asleep. “Yeah, Dean?”

“You’re really pretty.” He smiles looking at Cas’s bright blue eyes. “Yes, you’ve told me this many times before.” Cas giggles a bit, turning so that he was facing Dean now.

 Dean frowns and lightly grabs Cas’s arm. “You’re too pretty to be doing this.”

Castiel looked down at the arm Dean grabbed. It was the arm that started it all; the one that now had hundreds, if not thousands of scars on it. “Let’s go to sleep…” Cas states, trying to change the subject.

“I mean it Cas.” Dean mumbled, closing his eyes and cuddling into Castiel. Cas sighs, and wraps his arm under Dean. “I know…” He whispers, laying his head onto Dean’s chest. His vision was blurry and he didn’t know why he was shaking. Then he realized – he was crying.

Someone actually cared about him. No one ever cared about him. Not his parents, his friends – if he even had any – and even Gabriel in some things. It felt unreal and Castiel didn’t know what to do, until he felt an arm wrap around him tight, holding him.

 _‘He doesn’t actually care Cas. He’s a fuck-buddy who’s just drunk and doesn’t know what they’re talking about.’_ Cas thought to himself, crying himself to sleep.


	16. Moment of Addiction

Dean slowly opened his eyes and was hit in the face by a massive headache. “Oh God.” He groaned and wiped a hand down his face. He sat up and realized that he wasn’t in his room. Hell, he wasn’t even in his own house. He looked to his side and saw Cas sound asleep. At least he didn’t end up in a stranger’s house or on the side of the road again.

He looked at Cas and smiled. Cas was a good guy got in a bad life. The guy watched Dean get progressively drunk in the matter of hours. Fuck, the things he had said to Cas…he probably hates him now. He groaned and ran his hands down his face. He joked about Cas’s cuts, and asked questions about the cuts and then told him he shouldn’t cut. Cas shouldn’t even want to see his face after everything he had said.

Cas had tear tracks on his cheeks. Dean’s heart clenched and he frowned. It was his fault he had made Cas cry. He gently wiped the tears off Cas’s face. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and groaned. Damn, he was hungover.

He already felt horrible from the hangover, but to know Cas was crying when he was drunk made his stomach clench. He pulled off the sheets and found he was naked. “fuck.” He groaned. He had sex with Cas. He probably fucked Cas until he cried and passed out beside him.

He stood up quickly and realized that was the wrong move. He held his stomach and pulled on some boxers from the ground…they were definitely not his. Was he even wearing underwear? He bent down to grab a shirt when he felt all the alcohol he consumed yesterday was rushing up his throat.

Dean covered his mouth with his hand and ran out of the bedroom and down the hallway in search for the bathroom. He darted into the bathroom and dropped to his knees and gagged into the bowl. It actually took him a second to actually vomit. He gagged a few times. The burned acidic bile burned his throat. He gagged harder and it all rushed out. His nose burned. He only had seconds to breath before another round of puke spew out his mouth.

He spit into the basin and flushed the toilet and sat back on his ass and propped against the tub. He was too shaky to stand at the moment. He closed his eyes to relieve himself of the migraine. He didn’t hear anyone walk in.

“So, are you and my brother a thing now?”

Dean’s eyes’s shot open and he flinched at the sight of Gabe. That wasn’t good for his stomach. Dean groaned. “What?”

“Cas’s fuck buddies never spend the night, so are you and him a thing?” Gabe walked over to Dean.

“I don’t know. I hope we are, but I don’t know.” Dean grumbled.

“How much did you drink yesterday?” Gabe gave Dean a once over.

“Too much.” Dean got up on the edge of the tub. “Could have had a lot more, but once I finish off the fireball I should be nicely drunk.”

“Did Cas drink any?”

“Nah, I offered him some but he wouldn’t take any.” Dean ran his hand down his face. “What have you been up too? Didn’t see you at the last party at Benny’s?”

“I was hanging with a few buddies. We found a new drug of choice.” Gabe smiled. “I was meaning to ask. Kali is gonna have a party Friday night and she wanted me to ask you if you wanted to do another threesome with us?”

Dean smirked and ran his fingers through his hair. “Normally I would be like Hell Yes, but I don’t know, man. I don’t know what me and Cas are. I want us to be something more than just fuck buddies. I think if I did something like that…would ruin everything.”

“I think that Cas loves sex and would fuck anything that walks. He wouldn’t mind you having a threesome.” Gabe shrugged.

Dean shook his head softly. “Yeah, Cas likes sex a lot, but you’re wrong, Gabe. He wouldn’t mind you having a threesome, but I don’t know we me and him are yet. Let me think about it.”

“You have serious feelings about my little brother.” Gabe crossed his arms over his chest and propped on the sink.

“I think I do. Cas is different from all of the other fucks I have had. He is different from even my friends. He doesn’t judge me, I don’t judge him. We can actually talk. I don’t normally share feeling with people, but I can with him. I can be myself around him and not a drunken asshole version of me.”

“Don’t hurt my brother.” Gabe nodded.

“I don’t plan on it.” Dean stood up and then held his stomach. “Cas is the first person to actually see the real me and not freak out. I’m not gonna let that go.”

“Whatever your mean by that, it sound like you like my brother a lot, so just think about the threesome. The party is at her house on Friday. Just keep that in mind.”

Dean burped and then held his stomach. “You should go. This isn’t gonna be pretty.”

“Oh it prettier than the sounds I’m hearing from my parents room.” Gabe pointed.

Dean gagged. “Just go.”

“You got it, Chief.” Gabe stepped out and shut the door.

Dean dropped to the ground again and heaved into the basin. He spat into the bowl and flushed, before slowly standing and washing out his mouth. He walked back into Cas’s bedroom to find the guy sitting on his bed with his legs swung over the side stretching. He looked like he had just woken up. “Morning.” Dean smiled and grabbed the cinnamon whiskey from the bedside table and took a long pull and swallowed.

“Really? It’s only 9 am.” Cas grumbled.

“What cures a hangover more than alcohol?” Dean took another swig.

“I think you have had enough. You drank half the bottle in less than 2 hours yesterday.” Cas yawned.

Dean looked around the room and floor. “Where are my cigarettes?”

“I don’t know, probably, where you left them.” Cas shrugged.

“I never got to smoke after we had sex yesterday. I’m getting shaky without my nicotine.” Dean searched through his jean pocket and his leather jacket and came up empty. “I had them on your porch. Fuck.”

“Don’t worry about them, Dean. You will be fine without them.” Cas yawned.

Dean stared at Cas. “Take that back. My smokes are what I have to keep me sane in this God forsaken world.”

“We can clean up in here a little bit and then look for them.”

“Found’em.” Dean lifted them above his head. “They had slid under your bed. Do your window lead to the roof?”

Dean opened the window and stuck his head out. “No, they don’t.”

“But you can get to the roof from your window.” Dean smiled and climbed out the window and shimmed off the window seal and to the roof ledge a few feet away. He sat down and lit his cigarette. “C’mon, Cas.”

He had finished two cigarette and had just lit his third when Cas poked his head out. “How are you not freezing, Dean. You’re in nothing but a pair of my boxers.”

“I needed a couple cigarettes. Come and sit with me.” Dean said after a drag of his smoke.

“Hell no.” Cas shook his head. “Finished your smoke and come cuddle with me in bed.”

Dean groaned. He finished the smoke and considered having another one, but it was starting to get way too cold. After cuddling with Cas he was definitely having some more fireball, smokes and sex.

_******* _


	17. Tell Me

 

            Castiel was lying onto top of his bed, under the covers, with his eyes closed. It still smelled like Dean, although he had been gone for 30 minutes. He had only a pair of boxer’s on, and a blanket covering his body.

            “Knock, knock!” He heard his brother say while opening the door to his bedroom. “What do you want, Gabe?” Cas mumbles, very tired. Dean had fucked him 3 times.

            “You’re supposed to say ‘who’s there.’” Gabriel said. The bed leaned in as he sat down next to Cas. “Anyway, I noticed your new fuck-bud has left the building.”

            Castiel opened his eyes and gives his oldest brother a look. He didn’t want to be just a fuck-buddy with Dean. He wanted something more with Dean. “Yeah, _Dean_ left.” Cas said in a snarky attitude.

            “Actually calling him by his real name I see?” Gabe smirked, as Castiel sat up. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

            “Doesn’t matter what it means. What did you come in here for?” Castiel gets to the point. His brother looked different than usual and it wasn’t in a positive way.

            “I can’t just stop by my brother’s room and have a nice chat with him?” Gabe smiled, putting his hand on Cas’s shoulder. It was shaky.

            “Gabe, I know you. Spit it out or leave me alone, please.” Castiel states, not in the mood for really anything. His brother sighed, “I came in here because I care about you and you’re not doing so well.”

            “Yeah, well neither are you.” Cas remarked with attitude.

            “Hey, this isn’t about me. Cassie, I’ve never seen this many cuts on your body all at once, what’s going on that is worse than usual?” Castiel wanted to say the truth, but he couldn’t get it out. It was buried inside him too deep.

            “It’s not that bad.” He said instead. Gabriel rolled his eyes, “Oh, really? Wanna come out of the covers and show me?”

            Cas looked down at himself and didn’t answer. “Thought so. I know you, Cassie. You can’t fool me.” Castiel frowned, and sat up letting the covers fall off his shoulders. Gabriel’s eyes went wide and he covered his mouth. “Castiel…” His hands automatically wrapped around his younger brother. Gabriel never liked calling Cas by his full name, so he knew it was serious.

            “Cassie, what’s going on?” Gabriel looked Cas in the eye. “I mean you’re not going to school, you’re cutting more, and you’re almost never out of this room. Why?”

            “It’s the usual Gabriel.”

            “No, it’s not! I can tell, Cassie!” Gabriel yelled as if he was now angry instead of caring. He pulled his arms off of Cas and stared at him with his gloomy eyes. “Just tell me the damn truth! I won’t be mad.”

            “You’re already getting mad!” Castiel yelled back, his bottled emotions about to burst from his lungs.

            “Cassie, just tell me!”

            “FINE!” Castiel screams. “It’s because everything else around me is changing and not even for the fucking better! Mom’s almost always drunk now, and Dad always has a hoe with him and when he doesn’t he uses mom like a stupid puppet! They don’t notice anything anymore because, they don’t care! Like you always said; they don’t care! And you’re not even making it any better!”

            The room was silent as they both stared at each other, catching their breath. “Cassie, this isn’t about me…”

            “But it is, Gabe! It is! I care about you just as much as you care about me!” Cas lets out, the tension still raising. Gabriel got off the bed, not facing his younger brother.

            “I just came here to tell you to start going to school again and maybe try to stop cutting; I just don’t want you to become me. That’s all.” Gabe says in a soft voice, looking at the door of Cas’s bedroom with his hands in his pocket.

            “I will if you stop doing co—“

            “I said this isn’t about me. Either do it or don’t. I don’t control you.” Gabriel glances at his brother as he walks to the door. Castiel closes eyes and runs his fingernails into his skin. “And Cassie?”  

            “Yeah?”

            “You’re coming with to this party Friday. You need to get out.” And with that Gabriel shut the door, walking out of the room.

            Castiel got off his bed and went over to his pocket knife. His lovely sex high was gone. He looked at the knife in his hands and frowned. This wasn’t the first time Castiel thought about how it would feel to just cut into his throat until it bled out or how much blood there would be if he stabbed himself in the heart. It wasn’t the first time, nor the second.

            The urge this time was so much stronger than usual and it had Cas’s insides shaking. His legs shook as he walked over to his mirror, and sat on the floor. The thoughts went in and out of his brain until he decided, it wasn’t time.

            Blood dripped down his stomach, as he engraved straight lines into his skins. It felt calming, and it made the pain inside him go away, at least for a little bit. He would have done more if his phone hadn’t buzzed.

            It was from Crowley. “ _I was promised a blowjob weeks ago. When am I gonna get it?”_

            Cas gulped, staring at the text. Was he dating Dean? Would that be cheating? He grabs a tissue and wipes his stomach, still looking at the message.

            “Crowley, I’m sorry, I just don’t know when…” Cas decides to text back. He wanted to be with Dean again, even though he had just left. If he was giving a blowjob to anyone, he wanted it to be Dean. It’s not as if his sex cravings just went away, even after 3 times of being banged.

            _“Best be soon.”_ Crowley sends back, only making Castiel throw his phone across the room. The blood on his stomach had dried, so he got up and sat back on his bed. The sounds of his parents bed squeaking was never a good sound to go to sleep to.


	18. Fake it to Make it

“How does your back feel?” Dean asked while Sam laid down on his bed. “Were you able to function at school alright?”

“It still hurts, but it’s much better.” Sam replied as Dean lifted Sam’s shirt.

“Yeah. They are healing nicely.”

“Do you have to go, Dean?” Sam asked.

Dean frowned. “Yeah, Sammy. I’ll be back late tonight or early tomorrow morning.”

“Be safe.” Sam watched Dean started to walk out of the room.

“I always am.” Dean headed to his room. It was later than he wanted to be leaving, but whatever. He threw on his leather jacket and shoved two packs of smokes in his pocket with his lighter. He climbed out his window and down his roof. His week had been horrible. He had taken two beatings for Sam and then John found a pack of his cigarettes and lit one and dragged the burning end on Dean’s arm.

He walked down the road until he reached Kali’s house. The party had started almost 2 hours earlier, but Dean didn’t care. He finished his cig and stomped in out before entered the house. He looked around and everybody was talking and having a good time. Dean went straight to the alcohol and chugged one solo cup full and grabbed another. He walked into the kitchen and searched for the stronger stuff. He ran into Kali. “Dean! I’m glad you could make it.” She smiled.

“I couldn’t miss one of your parties.” Dean smiled while he grabbed a bottle of whiskey.

She beamed a smile. “Drink up. Gabe’s gonna be here like half an hour and he told me you haven’t given him an answer about the you know what.”

“Give me some more time. I’ll let you know when Gabe gets here.” Dean opened the bottle and took a swig straight from the bottle.

She walked off and Dean leaned over the island so he could watch people in the living room. Benny found him. “Hey, man, haven’t seen you around school.”

“That’s cause I haven’t gone.” Dean shrugged. “Not like I was going much anyway.”

“Dude, Andrea wants to know if you are willing to do the threesome again sometime.” Benny took a swig of Dean’s whiskey.

“When? I can’t tonight. I have—other plans.” Dean smirked.

Benny smiled. “Nah, not tonight. Andrea’s not even here, brother. She’s having a party next weekend.”

“I’ll have to think about it.” Dean nodded and took a pull of the burning liquid. Benny nodded and walked away. Dean lowered his head. He couldn’t get Cas out of his head. He frowned because Cas hadn’t texted him since he left his house the other day. Maybe they were just fuck buddies, maybe it was nothing special between them.

He walked to the stair case and sat down about halfway up. He was nice and drunk by the time Gabe arrived. Kali walked up the stairs with Gabe in tow and Dean waited for them to past before climbing the steps. If Cas and him weren’t anything special it was perfectly fine for him to have a damn threesome. Gabe smiled. “I thought you would join in, Dean-o.”

“How could I pass up a threesome? They are fuckin great.” Dean slurred. Maybe he was a little too drunk. He took another swig of whiskey. “They much sexier with y’all than Benny and Andrea.”

Kali pulled off her shirt and closed the door behind Dean. “I’m glad. You definitely make things more fun.”

Gabe took Dean’s hand and lead them to Kali’s bed. “I think it’s Dean’s turn to fuck you, Kal.”

“Lovely.” She stepped out of his skirt.

“Guess that means, Gabe is fucking me or what?”

“I don’t care, just let’s get started.” Gabe answered pulling off his shirt and pants. Dean stripped and set everything aside neatly and was the first one naked. He took Kali’s bra and panties off and wrapped his finger around her neck and leaned in and kissed his deeply. Gabe guided the two to the bed and Kali crawled backwards still kissing Dean until she was fully on the bed. Dean cupped one of her breast and ran his thumb over her nipple until it got nice and hard. Kali gasped at both his finger work and Gabe who was fingering her.

It took Dean by surprise when a lubed finger slid into his hole. He gasped, which made Kali moan. “Fuck.” Dean moaned as Gabe added to more fingers.

“Dean, fuck me.” Kali moaned.

“Do you have a condom?” Dean looked over at Gabe. The older Novak handed Dean the rubber and he slid it on and guided it into Kali. “Fuck, Kali, it’s been a while since I’ve fucked you.”

“I’ve missed it. Gabe is amazing, but you are a whole new level.” Kali moaned. “Gabe, fuck Dean already. I love it when he falls apart.”

Gabe smirked. He teased his cock against Dean’s hole while Dean thrusted into Kali. “Dammit, Gabe. Fuck me hard.”

“Yes!” Kali yelled when Dean slammed into her. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

“I’m gonna fuck you hard, Dean. Whatever my baby wants…she gets.” Gabe pounded into Dean. He immediately hit Dean’s prostate, forcing a moan out of Dean’s lungs.

“Again!” Dean moaned.

Kali moaned. She bit down on Dean’s bottom lip and pulled Dean’s hair with one hand and dug his nail into Dean’s shoulder with the other. “So close!”

For some reason, Dean wasn’t getting his normal hot and heavy with Gabe and Kali. They both seemed to be very into it and Dean wasn’t even completely hard. The only reason he was hard was because every time Gabe hit his prostate it sent pleasure through his body.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Cas. They hadn’t said they were anything. Just fuck buddies. He had zoned out for a while. Kali was yelling in pleasure. He was pretty sure he was subconsciously humping. He could tell that Kali had come from her face and Gabe was freaking out behind him and he felt the dude shot his load in his ass…so he faked it.

Damn he needed a cigarette. He sat up and propped against the wall and Kalli laid her head in his lap while Gabe seductively kissed her. Kali looked up at Dean and got up off the bed and searched through his leather jacket pockets. “I know you wanna cigarette, Dean.”

“Hell yes.” Dean made grabby hands towards her. He took the pack of cigs and pulled one out. He knew Kali was ok with smoking indoors. He lit it and inhaled. “Fuck, yes. Sex and Smokes…”

Suddenly the door opened. “Oh shit…” Gabe mumbled.

Dean and him locked eyes. “Cas…”

_******* _


	19. Shit-Faced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! New Chapter?! Sorry guys, I (MCRgurl) have been having a lot of medical issues lately, so that was my reason for the delay. I hope this was worth the wait!

 

            “Cas…”

            The whole room was looking at him, and all Castiel could think of doing was slamming the door back shut. ‘ _I knew he just wanted me as a fuck-bud! Just like everyone else…He just was using me.’_ Castiel thought to himself, biting his lip, making sure tears didn’t fall from his eyes.

            He walked quickly to kitchen, taking a bottle of beer from the fridge and drinking one bottle down – just enough to feel the effect. This was a nice way to start a party. He sighed and with his 2nd and 3rd beer bottle in his hand, he left into a room where not many people were. It was an easy place to clear his head.

            “Well, if it isn’t the one and only Castiel Novak?” He heard the thick British voice from behind him. “Hey Crowley.” Cas spook softly, taking another gulp of the cheap alcohol. He finished 2 whole bottles. “I had seen your brother, and was hoping he brought you along with.”

            “Well, ta-da! Your wish has been granted.” Castiel sarcastically remarked, turning his head so he was looking at the British man.

            “Hey, hey, hey. What’s your bloody problem?” Crowley asked, giving Cas a look. Cas glared back, and took a big gulp of his 3rd bottle. “And how many of those have you had? You usually don’t drink.”

            “Why does it matter to ya? You came here to fuck someone, not to have small chat.” Cas said, finishing the last of the 3rd bottle.

            Crowley shrugged, “You’re not wrong, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a small chat or two with a good friend.”

            “Oh, _now_ I’m your friend.” He hissed at Crowley.

            “Are you fucking drunk, boy?” Crowley said, putting his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Get your fucking paws off me!” Cas in a tone. “I’m – I’m not in the mood.”

            “Castiel Novak? Castiel Novak not being in the mood? You must be wasted.” Crowley practically laughed, although he shut up pretty quickly by Castiel’s look.

            “Maybe I am fucking shit-faced? You got a problem with that?” Cas’s voice got louder as he continued to talk. “Cas, it’s fine. We all get drunk at these types of parties at least once in our lives. I just didn’t think you’d be wasted tonight.”

            “Do you think I’m a fucking light-weight or something?” Castiel ask, loudly. Crowley shook his head as Castiel began to get up and grab an opened drink on a counter. Before Crowley could do anything about it Castiel was already chugging it down. He threw the bottle to the ground after he was down.

            “Castiel, stop!” Crowley said, getting up and grabbing Cas by the wrist. “I already said not to touch me!” Cas was now yelling. He tried to get out the man’s grip but it was no use. “Calm down!”

            “No! Get your fucking hands off me!” Castiel yelled, making the room get quieter and quieter. “Castiel, you don’t need to be here anymore. You’re too drunk.”

            “GET OFF ME!” Castiel screamed, making the whole room go silent – all eyes on them. “Castiel, calm down!”

            “IF YOU WANT ME TO BLOW YOU SO FUCKING BAD THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HOLD ME AGAINST MY OWN FUCKING WILL!” Castiel screamed, groaning trying to get out of his grip. People from other rooms were starting to come in, laughing at the ‘fight.’

            Crowley let go and Cas fell over in the struggle. There was laughing all around – Crowley’s face couldn’t have been redder. “Fuck you!” Castiel yelled, looking down at the little bit of blood, bleeding through his sleeve.

            “Fuck all of you! Fuck all of you and your – your stupid fucking party! Fuck your mom, fuck your dad, fuck your fucking cheap ass alcohol, fuck this damn house, fuck—“

            “Cassie, what in God’s name?” Gabriel yelled, shoving himself through the laughing crowd with Kali and Dean behind. As soon as Castiel saw his brother, Kali, and Dean it was as if fire was coming out of his ears.

            “NO, YOU GO BACK TO FUCKING WITH YOUR NEW FUCK-BUDDY BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT’S ALL HE THINKS I AM!” Castiel yells trying to get off the floor before Gabriel could get to him.

            “Cassie, I’m sorry, this is my fault.” Gabriel sounded general sincere. “NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND OR WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE IS!” Castiel snarled, as Gabriel actually picked him off the floor, easily. He was stronger than he looked – either that or Cas was very light. Dean watched as Gabriel shoved through the crowd with Cas in tow.

            “I’m so sorry, little brother.” Gabe said, sitting Castiel in the backseat of his car, and shutting and the door. “No – no, I don’t wanna hear your bullshit.” Cas mumbled. “It’s not bullshit, Cassie. I’m the one that asked Dean to have a threesome. It’s my fault and I’m sorry.”

            “I said I don’t wanna hear your damn bullshit. Just – just drive.” Cas slurred, laying down across the backseat. “Cassie, I didn’t know you cared about him as much as you do.”

            “Just. Drive.” Cas begged, his voices cracking; the anger turning into sorrow.

Gabriel sighed, as he pulled into the driveway, and opened the back door after getting out of the driver’s seat. “Come on, you gotta get out of the car.”

“I said to just fucking drive. That means I don’t wanna talk!” Cas mumbled out, putting his face into the cushioned seat. “Cassie, we’re home. I can’t drive anymore. Let me help you out of the car, you’re pretty bad off.”

“No, leave me in this stupid car, so I can run out of oxygen and die.” Castiel said, although the words weren’t coming out clear with his face in the cushion.

“Don’t say that little brother.” Gabriel frowned, “Don’t ever say that.” He repeated, lifting his brother out of the car with ease.

“No! Put me back…” Cas begged, his voice cracking as if he was crying. “Not happening Cassie, not happening. We’re going straight inside and we are going to bed.”

Cas shook his head, and let his head fall onto his brother’s shoulder as he was carried up the stairs, all the way to his brother’s room. Gabriel took off Cas’s shoes, and laid him on the bed, before doing the same.

Castiel laid on the bed, letting a tear fall out of his eye. “Oh Cassie…” Gabe said, wiping his cheek dry again. “Remember, we don’t cry…we don’t cry...” His voice was sincere. Almost enough to make Castiel fall asleep.

Castiel nodded, frowning into his brother’s chest. “I’m sorry, Cassie,” Gabriel whispered, “I’m so sorry.”


	20. Please Take Me Home

“Fuck, no…” Dean mumbled to himself. He watched Gabe drive Cas away. He was not in the right mind at the moment. He was pretty drunk and before he even knew it he was running down the road after the car. “Cas!”

Soon the car got farther and farther away. He was running as fast as he could until the car took and turn and was gone. Dean tried to stop but being as drunk as he was…his feet stopped moving, but his body didn’t. He face planted the asphalt and he skid about a foot.

That’s when all of the emotions started to flow out. He just laid down on the ground and sobbed. He screwed everything up. He saw car light shine over him. “For Godsake…just run over me. Kill me! I ruin everything! Break my spine!”

He heard the car door open. “Dean?”

“Why did you stop? Crush my skull!” He had no idea who he was talking too.

“Dean, why are you in the middle of the road?” The man placed his hand on Dean’s back. “Are you drunk?”

Dean covered his face. “I ruin everything. I am 90% crap.”

They heard a car horn. “Dean, buddy, how about I take you home?” He helped Dean up and guided him to the blue sedan. “There you go, Brother.”

“Benny?” Dean looked at the southern man. “Why are you driving?”

“I’m not drunk, I was heading home. After Crowley and Castiel got into that fight I needed to get out of there.”

“No…no, no, this is my fault.” Dean curled up in the passenger seat.

Benny squeezed Dean’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be ok, Brother.”

“No, it’s not. I ruined everything.” Dean sobbed.

“Dean, you might need stitches on your face. Should I take you to the hospital?” Benny rubbed Dean’s arm.

“Take me home, please.” Dean whimpered.

It was a short drive. Benny pulled the car into the driveway. He helped walk Dean to the front door. “Do you have your house key?”

Dean shook her head. Benny knocked on the door. Moments passed and John opened the front door. He was groggy, and was wearing a full on bedhead. “Dean? I thought you were in your room. What happened to your face?”

“Sir, he was at a party. I found him laying in the middle of the road in the neighborhood.” Benny explained.

“Thank you, Benjamin. You head home.” John nodded. Dean stepped inside and John closed the door. The father watched Benny walk to his car and drive off. John turned around. “What the fucking hell, Dean Michael Winchester?”

“I got invited to—to a party. I waited until everyone was asleep and stepped out.” Dean whimpered.

“What happened to your face?” John guided Dean into the bathroom upstairs.

“I’m—I’m kinda drunk…I ran after—af-ter a car and fell.” Dean stumbled over his words. “I cried laying on the asphalt for a while and Benny found me.”

“Hell, boy.” John cleaned the cuts on his face. “There.”

Dean followed his father into Dean’s bedroom. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

That’s when John slapped Dean’s across the face. “What have I told you about sneaking out?” He smacked him harder. “You’re drunk too.”

Dean held his face. “I’m sorry.”

John took off his belt. “On your stomach, boy.”

“No, Dad, please.” Dean begged. John ripped off Dean’s shirt and slammed him down on the bed and began whipping his eldest son. Dean screamed. “Dad! I’m sorry! Please! Stop!”

After a couple dozen lashes John stop and pulled Dean into a sitting position. “You’re a bastard. You can’t do anything right!” He whipped Dean across the face on the bad side with the road rash. “You are a thorn in my side. Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

Dean watched his father stormed out of the room. More tears ran down his face. His left side throbbed, stung and burned. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed Cas’s number blindly. It went to voicemail. “Cas…I’m so sorry. Fuck, I was drunk and you never responded to my texts. Gabe asked me about the threesome days earlier.” Dean stopped to choke out a sob. “I fucked up! I really fucked up! You mean the world to me! You are more than a fuck-buddy. So much more. I’m sorry; so, so, so, very sorry. I was drunk, I was stupid…so stupid. I—I miss you…I really miss you. Please…I’m so—“

_‘Press one to continue recording. Press two to end the message.’_

Dean looked at the phone and pressed two. He sobbed himself to sleep that night.

_***( &^%$%^&*(&^%$^&*()** _

“Dean?”

Dean blinked awake. “Huh?” he snorted. “Fuck.” He felt the pain in his back and face.

“Are you ok?” It was Sam.

“Sammy?”

“Did Dad….?”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed.

Sam sat down on the bed. “Dean, these cuts on your back on pretty bad. They are probably worse than mine were. Do you want me to get the disinfection lotion?”

Dean shook his head. “No, I’m fine, Sammy.”

“What happened to your face?” Sam gasped. “Did Dad do that to you?”

“No…this was my own doing. Don’t get drunk and chase after a car.” Dean turned his head so he wasn’t laying on the injured side. “I’m stupid, I’m a bastard. I’m no role model.”

“What the Hell, Dean?” Sam replied. “I look up to you, Dean. You’re my big brother. I’ve been looking up to you for as long as I could remember. You have always been there for me. You are my role model.”

“Thank you, Sammy, but can you leave me alone for a little while.” Dean closed his eyes. He heard the door closed. He opened his eyes and the room was empty. He grabbed his phone and unlocked the screen. _No new messages_.

Dean forced himself to his feet and opened the window. The cool air hit him in the face. He grabbed his cigarettes and lighter. He climbed onto the roof and lit his smoke. For the first time the nicotine wasn’t working to calm his nerves.

He finished off the first pack and felt empty. He started the second pack and dialed Cas’s number again. It went to voicemail like the first time. “Hi…Cas. Please, call me. I’m a wreck. I miss you. I miss you. I’m sorry, fuck. I have never felt this way about someone…and there have been of someones. You’re not just a fuck-buddy. You’re more than that. Way more. I-I love…you.”

He hung up abruptly after he said that. He took a long drag of his cigarette and started another one. He hung his head between his knees and cried again. He couldn’t feel his feet. He was only wearing his jeans from the night before. The cold numbed his cuts on his back and face. “I’m such a fucking idiot. This is the worst thing I could have possibly done.”

Dean sniffed and lit another smoke. “I love him…I love him.” He said between drags. “I think I do…I love him.”

_******* _


	21. When Everything Turns Okay

            “Well, I’m glad to see you starting to wake up.” Gabriel smirked with a cigarette in his mouth, as Cas began to open his eyes. Castiel groaned, seeing all the light coming into the room. Gabe blew smoke out of his mouth, and threw the covers off of his brother’s warm body.

            “No…” Castiel begged for the warmth back, sitting up quickly – bad decision. He practically fell off the bed as he speed-walk to the bathroom where he began to throw up into the sink. “Ugh…”

            “Not gonna say ‘fuck you’ to me for taking your sheets away or waking you up?” Gabe said, leaning on the door frame, watching his little brother from a far.

            “No? Why would I?” Cas hoarsely asked back, rubbing his hand across his face. His brother began laughing so hard that his face became red. “What?”

            “You don’t remember?!” Gabriel laughed, wiping a tear from his eye. “Oh God – Gabe what did I do?” Castiel frowned, washing out the sink. His walk to the toilet seemed to take forever with his eldest brother’s laughing.

            “Well, you got in a fight with your fuck-bud Crowley, and told everyone to fuck themselves. Your big brother – me, if you’re too hung-over to understand – carried you to my car because I could drive and was _not_ a drunken mess like you. You laid in the backseat, and crushed your face into the car seats. You wanted to kill yourself, and cried yourself to sleep. And that’s about it.” Gabriel explained as his expression turned into a slight frown.

            “Then why the hell are you laughing? What type of brother are you?” Castiel glared, sitting on the floor near the toilet.

            “I’m laughing because, do you really think this is the first cigarette or even drug I’ve had today? And I’m the type of brother that saves your ass from becoming a huge laughing stock on the internet or from getting beat up by Crowley.” Gabriel walks over to Cas, and sits on the floor with him.

            Cas sighs and wipes his brow. “Well, thanks – I guess.”

            “You’re welcome – I guess.” Gabe mocked, gripping his brother’s shoulder tight, in a loving-way. “Anyway, you got some voicemails from someone; seems serious.”

            “Where’s my phone?” Cas asked, looking around. “I put it in your bedroom; thought you’d like it there instead of it being in my dirty room.”

Castiel sighed as they both left the bathroom, leaving to each other’s room. His phone was laying on top of his bed, almost directly in the middle. Cas sat on his bed, grabbing the phone, noticing who had left the messages – Dean.

“ _Voicemail Number 1,”_ His phone echoed _, “Cas…I’m so sorry. Fuck, I was drunk and you never responded to my texts. Gabe asked me about the threesome days earlier… I fucked up! I really fucked up! You mean the world to me! You are more than a fuck-buddy. So much more. I’m sorry; so, so, so, very sorry. I was drunk, I was stupid…so stupid. I—I miss you…I really miss you. Please…I’m so—“_

Castiel stared down at his phone, as the same message repeated over and over again. Hearing the sobs of the other boy made Cas want to cry. He didn’t know if he could believe any of though. What if he was still drunk, or what if he just wanted to be on good pages with him so they could fuck once more?

Sighing, he started to listen to the next voicemail. _“Voicemail Number 2_ – _Hi…Cas. Please, call me. I’m a wreck. I miss you. I miss you. I’m sorry, fuck. I have never felt this way about someone…and there have been many of someones. You’re not just a fuck-buddy. You’re more than that. Way more. I-I love…you.”_

The last three words echoed in his head, as his phone fell right out of his grip. His mouth was agape; he was stunned. He didn’t know what to do, but suddenly butterflies were filling his gut.

Looking up, he saw his brother at the door. Confusion covered his face. “Cassie, you look like you just got run over by a golf-cart.”

“Fuck.” That seemed to be the only thing that could come out of his mouth. “Fuck what? You fuck a lot of things.” Gabriel chuckled to himself.

“Dean just uh – he just…”

“Well, spit it out.” Gabriel got impatience too quickly. “I love him.” Cas said almost to himself, more than Gabriel.

“You what?”

“Gabriel, I think I love him too.” Castiel looked down at his phone, his frown turning into a smile.

“Love him too? Did Dean say that he loves you?” Gabe asked, walking over to his brother. Cas just nodded, instantly wrapping his arms around his brother, and burring his face into his shoulder.

Gabe sighed, “Cassie…”

“What?” Castiel asked, looking up at his brother, the same big smile on his face. Gabriel frowned, “I’m happy for you.”

“Then why are you frowning?” Cas asked, his expression changing to a worried look. “Cassie, you barely know the guy. How can you be in love with him? I mean, I’ve known him for years and he leaves everyone he ever gets with.”

“No Gabe, I believe him this time. He was sobbing, and – and he wouldn’t lie to me. He’s the bluntest person I know.” Castiel explained, trying to get the thought of Dean leaving him out of his head.

“You saw how much he changed last night, Cassie. If he could do it once, he could do it again.” Gabe spoke.

“That was _your_ fault!” Cas yelled, his emotions flooding out. It came out much harsher than he meant it. Gabriel sat there looking at the ground. Regret filled Castiel chest.

“You’re right, and I fucked up.” Gabriel said looking at his brother with anger, “But, whatever. I just didn’t want to see my little brother get hurt. You’re already hurt enough.” Gabe stood up and walked out of the bedroom.

“Gabriel, I didn’t mean to –“

His brother’s door was slammed shut. He was done speaking. “Fucking hell.” Castiel mumbled to himself. Just when he thought everything was turning out okay…


	22. Nothing But Numb

He couldn’t feel his hands or feet. He was working on his last cigarette of the two packs he brought on the roof with him. He was numb. He inhaled the addicting nicotine. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it. _No new messages_.

He fucked up. He should have never listened to Gabriel. He ruined everything. He stomped out his cigarette and climbed back into his room. His nose was bright red. He looked into the mirror and stared at his face. He looked rough. What did Cas see in him? He was damaged goods. He turned to try and look at his back. It was worse. There was dried blood on his back and the cut were open and angry. He limped into the bathroom and grabbed the antibacterial ointment.

He slowly pulled on a shirt and grabbed another pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He picked up his phone as he searched for one of his hidden bottles of liquor. Still no messages. “Please, Cas. Answer me back.”

A tear slid down his face. He set his things on the side of his bed. He walked out of his room. He stood in front of his father’s office door and knock. “It’s open.”

“Dad?” Dean spoke softly; uncertain of his voice.

“Yes, Dean?” John turned his in his chair.

“I’m sorry about last night, sir. I was stupid, immature and wrong.” Dean looked down at the ground.

“Look at me when you talk to me, boy.” John answered.

“Yes, sir.” Dean looked up. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“It’s alright, son. How does your face feel?” John stood and walked over to his eldest son.

“Sore, sir.”

“Good, means it was a good punishment. What about your back?”

“Same, sir.” Dean stood straight.

John glared into Dean’s eyes. “Do I smell smoke on your breath?”

Dean swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

“You know how I feel about cigarettes.” Dean stayed silent. He watched his father. He waited for John’s fist or palm to his face. “Put your back against the wall.”

He obeyed and pressed his tender back to the wall. John gripped Dean’s shirt. He slammed Dean across the face a couple time then wrapped his fingers around Dean’s throat and squeezed. Dean gripped John wrist and kicked his legs that were dangling in the air. “Dad…”

“Why do you always have to disobey everything I ask, you stupid bastard?”

Dean was getting lightheaded. John dropped Dean and the boy collapsed to the floor. Dean coughed roughly. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

“Get out of my face.” John pointed.

He scrambled out of the room and into his. He shoved his cigarettes and lighter into his pocket and checked his phone again to find nothing. He choked down a sob and wiped his eyes and winced at the pain on his face.

He grabbed the liquor he remembered he put the bottle in the false bottom on one of his dresser drawers. He broke open the cap and took a long swig and climb back out of the roof. He dialed and cancelled; dialed and cancelled; dialed and cancelled Cas’s number multiple times.

What if Cas didn’t even what to think of him? What if Cas never wanted to see him ever again? Tears streamed down his face once again. The sting of salty tears entering his wounds on his face was not just numb sensation. He took another draw of his liquor.

“ _Oh God, I fucked up. Please, show me you are real and give me a sign. Tell me that I didn’t fuck up._ ” Dean cried with his head between his knees. “ _Please, Mama and Sammy tell me that you are real and have your angels watching over me, but please just fucking prove to me that you exist._ ”

He waited a long moment in silence and nothing happened. He nodded and took another long swig of the liquor. Dean took a deep breath and climbed back inside and finished off the bottle. He didn’t even realized that he had drank the whole bottle. He felt nothing. He stumbled into the bathroom and pissed. He walked past John’s office and down the stairs.

Mary was sitting at the kitchen table. “Good Morning, Mama.”

“Morning, Sweetie. Are you going to hang out with some friends?”

“Yes, M’am.”

“Why?” She asked. It was obvious that she didn’t care, but was forced to ask.

“A friend is gonna help me with a class assignment.” Dean pointed to the door.

Mary smiled. “Have fun, Darlin.”

Dean walked out of the house. He stumbled down the street and pulled out his phone again and begun the process of dialing and cancelling; dialing and cancelling…He stood at the end of the driveway of the Novak house. Tears ran down his face. He sniffed. He took a shaky breath and stepped forward.

The knot in his throat got bigger and more tears flooded. He slowly rose the steps and stood there for a long moment. He closed his eyes and whimpered. He stared at the door then pressed the doorbell.

It felt like an eternity before the door opened to reveal the familiar blue eyes. At that moment Dean couldn’t think. He couldn’t remember if he was where a jacket or not. All he knew was that he couldn’t see he’s eyes were so full of tears.

He expected Cas to slam the door in his face. A choked out a sob. He blinked the tears down his cheeks. “I’m s-s-o-r-r-y-y.”

He really expected Cas to slam the door now. There was silence. Dean couldn’t see again, but he did feel the warm embrace of a body pulling him into a big hug. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Cas’s neck. The man’s shoulder hurt Dean’s cheek, but he didn’t care. Cas’s hands were in the perfect spots were his lashes weren’t. Dean just sobbed in Cas’s arms. Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and whispered sweet nothings in his ears.

“I’m so sorry, fucking sorry. You’re more than a fucking fuck buddy. You never replied back to my messages so I thought you didn't want to speak to me ever again. I thought you hated me. I thought you never wanted to speak to me again. I'm so fucking sorry.” Dean rambled.

“It’s ok, Dean. It’s ok.”

Dean pulled away. “Oh God, I’m stupid. I shouldn’t listen to your brother ever.”

Cas cupped Dean’s face. He gently glossed over the road rash and whip lashes. “What happened?”

“I chased after you. I fell and fucked up my face.” Dean whimpered.

“What about the horizontal cuts? Those look like lashes.”

“Yeah.” Dean wasn’t gonna say anything more. “I missed you.”

Cas smiled. “I missed you, too.”

Dean cupped Cas’s face and slammed his lips against Cas’s. He pulled away. Tears were still flowing. “Cas, you’re not a fuck buddy. You are more. I’m an idiot to even think about that fucking threesome. I shouldn’t have done it and you would have never got in that fucking fight with Crowley. Please, forgive me.”

Cas was silent for a long moment. It was a comfortable silence other that Dean’s whimpers and sniffs. “I will always forgive you.”

_******* _


	23. False Glee

Castiel was lying on the couch with Dean in his arms. He was asleep, which in Cas’s opinion was best for Dean at the moment. He could hear his parents yelling up the stairs, so he was surprised he could even sleep at all – Cas never could.

He comfortingly rolled the pad of his thumb over Dean’s shoulder. Dean was warm in Cas’s embrace. The smell of alcohol swept off his body and into Castiel’s nose. It was strong, which meant he didn’t just have a little.

The amount of smoke and alcohol Cas saw Dean take into his body worried him. He already saw what the effects did on Gabriel and that was even worse drug abuse.  What if Dean got that bad?

The thoughts gave him chills down his back. He looked down at his – well, he didn’t really know what him and Dean were. Were they boyfriends now? Castiel really wanted know, but he was never going to wake the sleeping angel.

Looking down at him, he could watch his stomach move up and fall down so smoothly. Even with the cuts on his face, Dean was still the hottest guy Cas had ever met.

He leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and cuddle in close to him. The thought of this tiny moment ending made Castiel more depressed than usual.

“Cassie, who are you fucking tonight?” Gabriel asked from the bottom of the stairs, not actually seeing Castiel or Dean. He only knew the Cas was there.

“Gabe, Ssh!” Castiel whispered sternly, moving around so that he could see his brother. Gabriel skipped towards them with glee or – from what his eyes were telling Cas – with false glee.

“Don’t tell me to hush! You’re about to fuck which means,” Gabriel giggled to himself, “you’ll be making a lot of noises that aren’t so quiet.”

“We’re not about to fuck, Gabriel! Please get outta here. He’s sleeping.” Cas tried to sternly whisper although his voice got louder as he continued. Gabe shook his head and jumped onto the couch, right onto his brother and Dean.

“What the actual fuck!” Castiel yelled while pushing his brother off them. It made some of his cuts start to bleed. They were just healing. He could only imagine how it felt on Dean.

Gabriel fell onto the floor, laughing to himself as if that was the funniest thing in the world. “It’s okay Cas.” Dean hoarsely said as he sat up. “Gabriel’s an ass, not you.”

“Fuck you Dean. I’ll do whatever the hell I wanna do.” Gabe spoke, getting up real close to Dean’s face. “Dude, personal space.” Dean slightly backed up from Gabriel.

“Gabriel! Please, just go to your room!” Castiel yelled now, getting frustrated as he saw his brother get closer and closer to Dean.

“I said,” Gabriel grabbed the back Dean’s head, smacking him on the lips with his own, “I’ll do whatever the hell I want!” His brother’s happy high, dying off into anger.

Dean pushed Gabriel off him quickly, “Get the hell off me!”

Gabe nodded, and got up. “Fine.” He smiled before, grabbing their mother’s vase and throwing it against the wall. “Fucking Fine!”

“Dean, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think he’d be like – like this; or even here.” Castiel said, frowning looking at Dean. He could hear the yelling from upstairs stop, and movement start coming down to them.

“Cas, it’s okay—“

“I’m so sorry, but things are about to get rough in here, you have to go.” Cas frowned, holding Dean’s hand as he rushed them both to the front door. As he opened the door, Dean walked out still holding Cas’s hand.

Cas could hear his parents already coming down the stairs. The only reason they were caring was because they knew something of _theirs_ was broken.

He pulled Dean into his arms, and kissed him on the lips and although it was only for a second, he filled it with passion. Dean smiled as he let go of Cas’s hand, walking out of the house. “I love you too…” Castiel whispered, wishing Dean was close enough to hear him.

He was snapped back into reality when he heard Gabriel yelling. Cas frowned and turned around to face whatever what was going on behind him.

“Gabriel Richard Novak, stop this now!” Hannah tried to be an actual parent for once, failing miserably.

“You only care because it’s your fucking vase? You know what? Fuck this chair too!” Gabriel shouted, grabbing the rocking chair next to him and flinging it across the room. He laughed to himself.

His parents stood in silence not knowing what to do. Gabriel looked at them like they were the crazy ones. “Go ahead! Don’t just – don’t just stand there! Punish me! Kick me out! Beat me!”

“You know what Gabe, we needed to replace those anyway.” Their father said, nodding and walking out of the room. He even smiled at Castiel as he walked back up the stairs.

Gabriel just stood there staring at his mother, hoping she would do something. She sighed, and walked towards Gabriel. He smiled, “Come on! Punish me!”

She continued walking, passing her oldest soon all the way to the kitchen where she would do as she always did. Drink her pain away.

Castiel watched as all the emotion was drained from his brother’s face. “Gabe…”

Gabriel turned to face the wall, and smashed his knuckles into it. He looked around, seeing if anyone noticed other than Castiel. “You’re not even going to come and look at this giant hole in the wall?! You’re all fucking pussies! I just – fuck you!” Gabriel yelled more to himself than to his parents who weren’t listening.

Cas walked towards his brother only for him to aggressively push him over onto the floor, next to their broken rocking chair.

“Gabe…” Castiel spoke softly, as he watched his brother walk out the front door. Cas frowned, looking at the carpet under his feet. He couldn’t stop his brother. He’d be back at some point. He could only hope it would be sooner than later.

He got his phone out and softly smiled seeing who had texted him. ‘ _Hey Cas. Is everything okay?’_ Dean had texted him. He actually cared. Only if Gabriel had someone like that in his life, other than Cas.

Cas sighed, and decided to be honest with Dean. “No, but don’t worry. I’ll be okay.” Castiel texted back. He always had his blade to make him feel in control; okay.


	24. No One To Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, this is a short chapter. i tried to write a really good chapter, but then i looked at the word counted and was disappointed. Anyway, i hope you enjoy! :D

He turned around on the porch as Cas closed the door. He heard all kinds of loud bangs and thud. He heard Gabe and his parents yelling. He just wanted to charge into the house, guns blazing and pull Cas out.

He wasn’t though. He turned around and started walking towards his house. He dug down in his jacket pocket and pulled out his lighter and cigarettes. He lit one and put it to his lips. He took a drag and blew smoke out his nose. It didn’t feel right. He stomped out the smoke put the pack back in his pocket. He didn’t feel like smoking.

He pulled out his phone. _‘Hey Cas. Is everything ok?_ ’ He texted and slid his phone back in his jeans. He was worried about Cas. He was weird strange. He didn’t want his nicotine and didn’t want his booze. He just wanted Cas. He was so caught up in thought he didn’t even realize he had neared his house. He reached the driveway of his house.

He opened the front knew and he knew something wasn’t right. It was strangely quiet. He walked into the living room. That’s when he heard the screaming of his little brother. He darted up the stairs. He scurried to Sam’s room to find it empty. He heard Sam scream again, then then he heard John’s voice. It was coming from John and Mary’s room.

He flung open the door. Mary was up against the headboard with a busted lip and a black eye. She was topless and had no way to cover up because her wrist were tied to the bed. She had been crying next thing he knows he see John pressing Sam up against the far wall with his hands wrapped around Sam’s neck.

“NO!!” Dean yelled as he charged at his father.

John dropped Sam to the ground and kicked him hard in the stomach and pulled him up by his shirt. Dean noticed the Sam was beat up. “Dean, go back to your room, Son.”

“No! You’re killing him.” Dean tried to pull John’s arms off Sam.

“Get off me Dean.” John scolded. He dropped Sam to the ground and Dean went to his brother. “Go to your room.”

“Dad, give me the punishment. Whatever Sam did I will take the hit!”

John growled. “This is the last time I will tell you.”

“No, Father.” Dean defended and rose to his feet.

“How dare you disobey me, boy.” John stood in front of Dean.

Sam curled up on the floor and cried. Dean puffed out his chest. John huffed and stormed out of his room. Dean grabbed a blanket and covered his mother’s chest up. He untied her wrists and cupped his mother’s face. “Are you ok, Mama?”

“Yes, Baby. I’ll be fine. Help your brother.” She ran her fingers through Dean’s hair.

Dean got off the bed and over to Sam. “Sammy?”

“De?” The boy whimpered.

Dean lifted Sam into his arms and carried the boy to his room. He set Sam on the bed then shut the bedroom door. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you Sam.”

“You said you’d always be here.” Sam cried.

“I’m sorry. You’re gonna be fine. I’m here” Dean ran his fingers through his little brother’s hair. “I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Dad was beating and hurting her. I couldn’t let him just abuse her.” Sam cried. “I didn’t think the argument would have gotten so bad. Mama was crying and screaming for Dad to stop.”

“It’s ok, Sammy. Mama is gonna be ok. You did the right thing. I only wish I had been here to help you.” Dean thought to where he was only 2 minutes earlier. He was asleep on Cas’s couch.

It brought back the memories of why he wasn’t home today. He was guilt ridden because of that g**damn threesome he should have never had. If he had never had that threesome Gabe wouldn’t have freaked out, he wouldn’t the road rash and whip wounds, him and Cas would be perfect, Mary wouldn’t be hurt and neither would Sam. He royally fucked up this time.

He was the one to blame. He couldn’t make things better by saying that they would have happened if he was there or not, but that’s not true. If he had been home when John did that, Dean would have been able to stand up to John taken the beating instead of it being split between Sam and Mary.

Sam sobbed until he passed out in Dean’s lap. He was able to examine Sam’s wounds. From what Dean could tell was that Sam had a black eye, busted lip, bloody (maybe broken) nose, and hand shaped bruises around his neck. Dean guess that Sam had bruises on his stomach and back.

Damn he really fucked up. He had one job. _Watch out for Sammy._ And He screwed it up.

_******* _


	25. I Miss Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Chapter?!?!? WHAT? Yes, a chapter. Sorry y'all, it has been a horrible past couple of months! I (MCRgurl) got my gallbladder removed in February after having abdominal pain for months. In March, our almost 21 year old cat died and it took me and bringmesomepie a long time to get back to normal from that. Also our school work is killing us! Stress, stress, stress! Anyway, I know y'all probably don't care for excuses so here is a long a deserved chapter. We will try and update more regularly from now on, but there may be a few delays here and there.

It had been a couple of days since Gabriel had left the house, leaving Castiel by himself. Gabriel had told Cas that he should start going to school again, but he frankly didn’t see the point in it anymore. He had missed over 10 days and would have to go to court to explain why he hadn’t been going and that was a waste of time.

Cas had been texting Dean in those few days. He didn’t feel like leaving his home, and it seemed to Cas that Dean was too afraid to leave his home to come over anyhow.

Fresh cuts were dancing along his forearms, and shoulders. He missed his brother. No matter how many time Cas would say he hated his brother he didn’t. He loved him a billion times more.

He was all alone in the Novak household. The mother out at a bar, the father probably at one too and God only knows were Gabe was.

Cas felt more empty than ever, but at the same time the usually things he would do to fix it weren’t working. He didn’t feel like fucking anyone, or cutting any at that moment. To be completely honest, all he wanted was to cuddle next to his boyfr—Dean—with some hot chocolate, and a movie in the background. But Dean wasn’t replying to his texts, so it was a lost cause.

There was a knock on the door, and without even looking who it was he was opening it, praying that it would Dean… But it wasn’t.

“Hello Angel.” The British man pushed himself inside with a toothy grin.

“Crowley, I—“

“You know why I’m here darling. You promised me a long back a blowjob, if I recall correctly. You were begging for someone to fuck you, and so we made a deal—a deal that you have not done your fair share of yet.” His words were rushed and a bit demanding.

“Crowley, I’m not in the mood right now.”

The man started to laugh, as if what Cas was saying a joke. “No, no, no! It’s too late for that shit. I was nice to you, and you treated me like shit. You know what people keep asking me?” He paused as if he wanted Cas to answer. "They keep asking me if I'm some kind of rapist. And it's all because of you and your damn drunken mouth."

"I was drunk. You can't define me for the things I say while I'm drunk." Cas tried to defend himself.

"I can and I will." Crowley stared at Cas as if his eyes were shooting lasers into his soul. "The things you said while you drunk are ruining my life!"

"I'm sorry!" Castiel said, getting weary of his surroundings.

"No, it's too late for sorry. Now get down to business." Crowley demanded. Castiel hesitated, but finally spoke, "No."

Regret filled his lungs as he felt a solid punch to his right cheek; Crowley's watch cutting into it like a knife. "I said it and I meant it."

Castiel sighed, "No. I said I don't want to."

Crowley practically growled at him, slapping him, this time on the left cheek.

"You're just proving their point!" Castiel cried out, scared now. Crowley was far more strong than him. "If I don't want to do it then it is rape!"

With a punch to the right cheek and another cut from the watch, Crowley sighed. "Why don’t you want it now? You _always_ want to fuck. Why not now?"

"Because." Cas simply replies.

"Because why? Because you don't like me? Because your too busy slicing yourself? Because you know your turning into your bastard of a father?"

"Because I'm in love."

The room was silent for a few short moments, only to be filled with laughter the next. "Castiel Novak, in love? This is a joke."

"It's not!" Cas defends. "His name is Dean Winchester."

"Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester don't love anyone but his family. You might as well lose him while you can. He isn't ever going to love you. You're weak. He doesn't like the weak."

"Liar!" Castiel shouts. "Dean said it to me."

"I could say I love you too Cas, but it doesn't mean that I mean it." Crowley says, "I'll tell you what. I come back in a week for my blowjob, whether you like it or not. I'm tired of waiting but I've lost my mood now." Crowley somewhat grins, as he walks backwards towards the door.

"Crowley, stop." Castiel said loud, but did not yell. Crowley looked at Cas asking him with his eyes to go on with what he was going to say.

"I'll do it. I'll-I'll do it right now. Just to get it over with. A deal's a deal, after all." Cas can feel himself shaking, and his stomach turning. He hated himself, but in his head, he had to do it.

 Crowley grinned, and walked back over to the boy, unzipping his fly. "This best be a good one Novak." He almost demanded.

Cas got down on his knees, feeling as if he was going to pass out. Slowly, he wrapped his lips around the lewd thing in front of him. He zoned out. He didn’t want to do it anymore. He regretted it all.

It ended up being Crowley thrusting into his mouth, more of a choke-job than a blowjob. Even when Castiel started gagging, he never stopped and Cas never told him too.

Cas swallowed. It was as if in the sex world that was what he was known for; swallowing. Crowley left not even a minute after it was over, leaving Castiel a sobbing mess, alone.

Although the blowjob only lasted about a minute or so, to Cas it seemed like an hour of agony. ‘ _Oh God, why? Why?’_ He thought to himself as he lays on the floor and cries. Not even scratching at the scabs on his arms made him feel better. He felt dirty, and guilty as if he and Dean were dating.  

He wanted Dean to just be there with him to save him. His cheek throbbed and a bit of dry blood stained his skin.

Hearing the door open once again he flinches, “Get out!”

“Cassie?”

Castiel lifts his head up and tries to wipe his eyes. Gabriel was walking towards him. “Cassie, you okay?” Gabe touched Cas’s shoulder, making Castiel flinch, “Don’t touch me!”

Gabriel looks shocked, but nods, and backs away. Cas didn’t want him to see him like this, but he was. “Cassie, tell me what is going on?”

Cas shook his head, but cuddle into his brother. He was just glad he was home again. Home at last.


End file.
